Courtesy of Candace Bushnell
A little more than 20 years ago, author Candace Bushnell’s first book was published, introducing the world to Sex and the City. Of course, a beloved TV show and movie followed. Now, with her latest book, Bushnell asks: Is There Still Sex in the City? Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte, and Carrie aren't in their 30s anymore, and neither is Bushnell, but she's here to say that the ups and downs of the dating spectrum, single life, love, and friendship continue.
I first met Bushnell at Left Bank Books during a book reading in 2003. I still have the picture I took with her and my friends. A few years later, on a hot summer day, I flew to New York City on a one-way ticket—with no job, a single suitcase filled with many high heels I would never wear, and, thankfully, a cousin to stay with. I was 24, and when I found the opportunity to be an assistant to Bushnell, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. She was—and still is—who I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course, there were fabulous parties where I met the cast of Sex and the City, and many times I admired Bushnell’s stunning shoe collection, but I most often remember her dedication to writing and to her friendships.
It's still true and evident in Is There Still Sex in the City?, a poignant recounting of where Bushnell is in life. In it, she spares no sexy or unsexy detail as she takes readers along on her personal journey. No one examines societal behavior quite like Bushnell.
Ahead of her visit to St. Louis County Library on September 27, we caught up after all of these years and discussed dating, what her life is like now, and what she's willing to splurge on.
After going through a divorce, you found yourself living in the Hamptons within walking and biking distance of your best girlfriends, who are also single. It was great to be able to see friends on a more informal basis and being able to pop over. It was a lot like when we were all younger and living within blocks from each other in New York City. We were all in similar times in our lives. Things come full circle, and you do need your girlfriends again.
You experiment with Tinder in your book. What do you think about dating in today’s online world? It takes a lot of time and feels like a job, but people do meet people. The trick with online dating is the more specific the site, the better luck you will have. Quite a few women I know have found success.
In the book, you talk about the world of Madison Avenue and experiencing price tag shock. You share a hilarious story about being lured to buy pricey skincare products. What's something you like to splurge on? Shoes—but the heels are definitely lower. Also beauty products. Skincare, when I was younger, would be just washing my face with whatever and using whatever lotion. Who knows if any of the expensive skincare items work, but if you feel like you look good, you feel good. It is all about attitude. I had to find my confidence again through this journey.
What dating advice do you have for others after going through this journey? The reality of dating in middle age is that you really need to spend time by yourself before you jump back in after a breakup. People often are disappointed if they date someone right away. You are looking for different things than you were in your 20s. People in their 50s are not looking to start a family. You have more freedom to not have a conventional relationship. People are not trying to meet those relationship markers, like getting engaged by a certain point and having children.
You met “MNB” [my new boyfriend] in this book, and you're still dating him. Were you expecting that? I met “Mr. Big” while writing Sex and the City and met “MNB” while writing this book. I first met MNB years ago, and he has been in the peripheral of my group of friends. I always thought there was something interesting about him that made me want to get to know him more, but we were always dating other people and not single at the same time. People can split up and come back into each other’s lives when the timing is right.
Hear Bushnell speak at St. Louis County Library 7 p.m. on September 27.
