I'm not one to be fooled by gratuitous false compliments. I know a diss when I hear one even when it comes out in the form of a compliment. A backhanded compliment.
Sometimes you do something to your appearance that gets people's attention, whether it's wearing neon yellow cropped trousers or a Butter "British Racing Green" pedicure. The more schooled you are in etiquette, the more you can conceal your negative judgments regarding others' choices in fashion and grooming. Most, though, can only boast being skilled in the art of dishing out backhanded compliments because they simply cannot just stay quiet. This habit of commenting on other people's appearances is a long-term consequence of believing sameness is good in grade school.
For those of you who have not yet embraced the concept of individuality being good or tend to try to cover up their disapproval with a "compliment," you should know that it really is not all that effective on women over 30, who have heard it all by now. Behold the top five backhanded compliments and what they really mean.
1. "That dress is so cute!": This means "I spend more money on clothes than you do but you get an A for trying. Too bad you didn't quite earn the plus on the end of that, like I did."
2. Look at your (fill in the blank). How fun!: Fun is the operative word here because fun in fashionspeak means "Really? Drinking vodka straight from the bottle this morning when getting dressed?" Alernately this could also mean, "I guess I do believe in evolved life on other planets because you clearly just came down on a flying saucer." Fun can also be used in conjunction with or as replacement for adjectives like unique, trendy, whimsical, or artsy.
3. You look great!: "I don't remember you being remotely attractive. My impression of you is that you were always sort of dumpy and unmemorable. Go figure..."
4. Where did you get that?": This one is a bit trcky because you have to think about who is asking. If you're wearing Helmut Lang and the person remarking is wearing Lilly Pulitzer, it is a variation of No. 2 and you are clearly from another planet. Possibly a different galaxy.
5. "Only you could get away with something like that.": This is one of those self-effacing comments that is deception at its feminine finest. The person telling you this doesn't secretly wish she could wear a dress made from two XXL t-shirts sewn together. She is preparing your spaceship for the return home and walking your bags to the open hatch. This is also the kind of woman who loves to talk smack about how other women dress behind their backs.
Don't be reluctant to challenge the ideas you have about fashion and beauty that have been held dearly since the First Grade. You know, pink is for girls, blue is for boys and that is that. Believe that mantra en Francais, "Vive la difference!" and sport some cheetah leggings sometimes soon. You might even find yourself feeling fun and artsy yourself. Or better yet, you may not even care when people say it.
