I travel through life with a critical eye. I find myself making mental lists of the myriad atrocities committed in the sake of being fashionable. Being different. Being "now."
Not all, but a lot of smart women poo-poo fashion as if it somehow belittles their intelligence to wear Prada platforms. So you see a lot of "smart" women in running shoes and a North Face jacket when they're, uh, not running. Comfort shmomfort. Since when is comfort synonymous with sloppy? If cerebral types left clothing and all its related accoutrement in the hands of less capable girls who think a tube top is acceptable attire at a funeral, you and I would be in big trouble. There goes that critical eye making the list in the throes of bereavement, because I never get a day off from thinking women are making bad choices.
Fashion Faux Pas No. 1: Women over 40 in leather pants. Even Michelle Pfeiffer cannot do this look. You, certainly, cannot.
Fashion Faux Pas No. 2: Bad body trying to wear very fitted clothes. No no no. This is a lot like putting foundation over acne. Fix the underlying issues and do not try to cover it up. You ain't foolin' nobody. "Stretch" jeans cannot make up for the effects of a cheesecake binge.
Fashion Faux Pas No. 3: Cheap shoes. With the plethora of resale shops and websites, one has no excuse for wearing cheap shoes. You build an outfit from the shoes up—they are not an afterthought.
Fashion Faux Pas No. 4: Faded jeans with black boots and a black jacket. This is like the worst of the 1980s. Buy some brown boots. Buy some taupe boots. Save the black boots to wear with jeans for when you go to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally.
Fashion Faux Pas No. 5: Workout clothes with fully done makeup and hair. Go ahead, throw in the big gold earrings while you're at it. Better to wear head-to-toe Burberry Prorsum with a naked face and dirty hair than Nike with red lipstick.
Fashion Faux Pas No. 6: Wearing anything that feels wrong to you because you think you need a change. When you deviate from your instincts, you lose your personal style. Coco Chanel never bought a top at Anthropologie because a friend told her she would "look cute in it."
Get my point? Let me run some errands and I'll let you know what else I come up with. I swear I will not be wearing leather pants. I am over 40 and quite aware of it.
Madeline Meyerowitz is the owner of enokiworld.com, a website specializing in vintage designer clothing.
