5 tips for talking to your parents about assisted living

Considerations when your parents aren’t as independent as they once were

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There’s that moment when it becomes clear that your elderly parent would have a better quality of life with assisted living. That clarity might come from a series of falls, a chronic health issue in decline, fewer family members nearby to help out, or increasing difficulty with daily tasks such as medications, grooming, eating regularly, and keeping up with chores.

Children of elderly parents are often nervous to broach the subject, however, because the conversation comes with its share of fears. Elderly parents are dealing with fears of mortality, the loss of their independence, and fear of the unknown. Their children have their own emotional weights around accepting these issues.

But the conversation around assisted living doesn’t have to be a fearful or contentious one. Debbra Coval, general manager of Park Place at Winghaven, shares five helpful tips for making a positive move to assisted living.

1. Make it an ongoing, open conversation. “The best time to start a conversation about assisted living is when an incident occurs,” says Coval. “When there’s an injury or your parents complain about the difficulty of keeping up with health or household needs, that’s the time to introduce the idea with a gentle suggestion that these things would be easier to deal with in a community that offers all-inclusive continuum of care. The suggestion will be much better received if the conversation is ongoing and open. Discuss the pros and cons of a variety of options, and be sure to listen to your parents’ needs and concerns.”

2. Recruit others to help with the conversation. “You don’t have to go at this alone,” says Coval. “If you have siblings or extended family members who also feel it’s time for Mom and Dad to get better care, they can help out. Starting with an individual conversation is best, so your parents don’t feel ganged up on, but once the idea has been introduced, a group conversation can feel supportive and caring. If your parents’ doctors are able to talk with you without violating privacy, find out if they agree that assisted living is the right choice, and ask them to broach the subject with your parents as well. Sometimes hearing it from a medical professional can make it feel less like an emotional decision and more like a health and wellbeing necessity.”

3. Consider your wording, and keep things positive. “Some people have very negative opinions about the words ‘nursing home,’ ‘retirement home,’ or even ‘assisted living,’” says Coval. “Using phrases like ‘community’ and ‘retirement-style living’ sound much nicer. Think about what will appeal to your parents, and use words that will have positive connotations for them. Also keep the conversation focused on the positive aspects that you know your parents will love about joining assisted living. If they enjoy an active lifestyle, communities like Park Place at Winghaven offer plenty of amenities such as indoor pools, putting greens, art centers, and more. If your parents are ready for the retirement lifestyle, we offer manicured courtyards with koi ponds, spa and salon services, a library, and other relaxing options for daily life. Tailor your conversation to what will get them excited.”

4. Take tours as a family at local assisted living facilities. “One of the most powerful moments in overcoming any fears about assisted living is seeing the community in person or through a virtual tour,” says Coval. “This is a great opportunity to feel how welcoming and engaging communities like ours are. You can talk with a specialist about the different levels of care—independent living, assisted living, memory care—and decide together what your parents need. And your parents get to ask a lot of questions. Be sure to listen to what they’ll miss about home, and help them look for those things in their next living situation.”

5. Get detailed with finances. “Your parents may be concerned with the cost of assisted living, and this is a great time to sit down with them and create a detailed list of their expenses to compare against the price tag of assisted living,” says Coval. “Communities like Park Place at Winghaven are all-inclusive, so the monthly fee includes 24-hour team coverage, dining, transportation, entertainment, and social activities. It’s important to consider all of the household and care expenses in their daily lives.”

Coval stresses that the most important thing to emphasize when talking to elderly parents about assisted living is care—your care for them and the care they will receive from the professionals and community at their assisted living facility. Because a decision made from a place of love is always the right choice.

This post was created by SLM Partner Studio on behalf of Park Place at Winghaven. To learn more, visit parkplacewinghaven.com.