Courtesy of Katie Boyd Psy.D
For many people, the holiday season is typically a time of celebration and gathering with loved ones. For others, this time of year can make existing struggles that much more difficult, worsening existing loneliness, isolation, or stress.
This year, as cases of COVID-19 continue to spike across the region and country, the holidays are bound to look much different, likely leading to added stress and anxiety. With Thanksgiving less than two weeks away and the holidays quickly approaching, now is the time to make plans for you and your family and compassionately communicate it to loved ones.
Dr. Katie Boyd, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice with expertise in treating anxiety disorders, suggests approaching these conversations with love and empathy, whatever your position on traveling or attending gatherings. If you’re uncomfortable congregating with loved ones outside of your “bubble,” draw those boundaries now and feel confident adhering to them this holiday season.
“For the people who do not want to have family gatherings because of safety and may be feeling pressure from family to get together, remind your family members that the choice to not get together has nothing to do with how you feel about them,” Boyd says. “When you disagree on what to do, it never hurts to remind them that you love them and that you care about them.
“I would also encourage people to stick with their feelings and boundaries and try to not let the conversation go off on tangential arguments, such as discussing the validity of the science and expert recommendations," Boyd continues. "Try to stay away from who is right or wrong, and stick with your feelings and what you are willing to do and not do. It's also helpful to let family members know that you do hear or understand their perspective, but also that you will stick to your boundaries.”
Like so much else in 2020, the holidays may require adjusting expectations and traditions, but it doesn’t mean you won’t celebrate together in the future. “Remember that this is temporary,” Boyd says. “Whenever we get stressed and anxious, our brains tell us lies, like, ‘This is never going to end. It's always going to be this way.’ Those things simply aren't true. Remember that each holiday season might be different from year to year for various reasons, and this just is one of those years where the holidays aren't going to look the same as they normally do, but that's temporary. There might be ways to continue some thread of those traditions in safe ways.”
It can also be helpful to remember that while not seeing family during this time of year might be stressful, it’s also stressful for loved ones who choose to stay within their “bubble.” “I would encourage people to be flexible this year and acknowledge that this year is different and increasingly stressful,” Boyd says. “We've dealt with so much this year, and then you add the holidays—which are already stressful for people in a typical year—and that stress compounds. Just acknowledging that this year is going to look different than it normally does and knowing that's OK can help. After accepting this year is different, then you can find ways to continue some traditions if possible. Traditions are important, so being creative about how to keep some of your traditions—maybe by changing them a little bit—can help you feel connected to family even if you’re not getting together.”
For parents with young children, the holidays make the daily challenges of life during the pandemic harder as well. “For kids especially, traditions are very important, so being able to find those ways to still do whatever the family traditions are and maintain some sense of normalcy is important in this unique year,” Boyd says. “I saw an example that was a really cute way of altering the common Christmas tradition Elf on Shelf for 2020: by putting the elf in a jar to quarantine for 14 days after his trip from the North Pole, and they had a little mask on him. I thought that was a cute way to still incorporate that tradition and keep that sense of normalcy for a child but also helping them understand that this year is different as well.”
Whatever your situation this holiday season, Boyd emphasizes that it’s critical to maintain the self-care and coping skills that you’ve found helpful throughout the pandemic. “It's easy to get frazzled and go through the day-to-day without paying attention to how you're feeling or coping," she says. "This year, you may need an increased focus on coping skills or self-care. I think sometimes we feel that ignoring our emotions is controlling them, but it's really not—it's just suppressing them. So checking in with yourself, acknowledging how you're feeling and acknowledging that this year is maybe more sad or lonely or more difficult than typical years is important.”
In a year when nothing has been normal, there are still ways to connect with family and friends safely this holiday season, including virtual gatherings. Boyd recommends taking an inventory of the holiday traditions that you love most and finding ways to adapt them this year. Above all, don’t let the holiday season be a source of stress and anxiety for you and your family.
“I think this year we have to decrease expectations about the holidays,” Boyd says. “Make a list of the typical holiday activities that you do, go through each one, and decide if it's something that is actually meaningful to you or if it feels like an obligation. The things that feel like obligations might be things that you don't do this year; things that are really meaningful, maybe you find a way to change them so that it's safe. If you can't get together with family, being able to connect in other ways, virtually or through continuing family traditions, is very important.”
This post was created by SLM Partner Studio on behalf of Dr. Katie Boyd. For more information, visit stlouisanxietypsychologist.com or call 314-833-8833.
