Photo courtesy of The Fox Theatre
"Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round; the jar is round. They should call it Roundtine."
"That's gold, Jerry! Gold!"
It was gold on Seinfeld — but in St. Louis? Maybe not. But what if Jerry took the stage at the Fox on February 7 and opened with this one: "What's the deal with washers? Are you too good for horseshoes? Bags even." That joke, it might have a chance.
As any rock star or politician knows, there's a fail-proof secret to killing onstage: Keep it local. Even a remote reference to the city's name, and the crowd goes wild. And so we ask, "What's the deal with ... ?"
• Thin-crust pizza. Is the hatred of deep dish just to spite Cubs fans? Because you're really shooting yourselves in the foot on this one.
• Provel cheese. If you don't know what's in it, it's probably not a good idea to eat it.
• Frozen custard. Is holding the dessert upside-down supposed to impress me?
• Serving "muskacholli" at wedding receptions. Please don't serve what you can't pronounce.
• Complaining that no one can drive in the snow. Can it really be everyone else?
• Contending for "Most Dangerous City in the U.S." It's OK to brag about beating Detroit in the World Series. Can't you give them this one?
• Schnucks vs. Dierbergs. People will drive past Dierbergs to shop at Schnucks and vice versa. That's how loyal they are. Save the gas — use a coupon.
• City vs. county. Yeah, that's worked out real well.
• Lambert Field and St. Louis International are the same thing. Yet the East Terminal is totally different. Does air-traffic control have to explain this to new pilots?
• "Warsh." Unless you're a pirate, there's no "r."
• "Highway Farty." We know it stinks, but do we have to say it?
• 91 county municipalities, 79 city neighborhoods, seemingly 835 school districts. Does this seem a tad excessive to anyone else?
