A city as baseball-crazed as ours is bound to have its share of fans who dabble in fantasy baseball. We also have a ton of fantasy seamhead loonies.
You know the kind—the Moneyball-worshipping, sabermetric-espousing fan who dons a Pujols jersey and cheers a Derrek Lee home run because “he’s on my team.” I don’t mean to be overly critical. I, too, used to be part of that crowd—before I overcame my compulsion.
So for those of you fantasy addicts who spend more time with your projections than your progeny, here’s a six-step program I’ve created to help you regain control of your lives.
1. Admit you have a problem. You cannot manage 16 fantasy teams and your life at the same time. You must choose one. Your spouse and children—remember them?—hope it’s the latter.
2. Once you have recognized your problem, confront it. Cut back on your leagues. Here’s an easy way to decide which ones go: If you have never physically met any of your opponents, you won’t miss them.
3. Look to others for support. This is a battle you cannot fight alone. Round up like-minded owners in the leagues you keep, and craft rules that make it less time-consuming to manage your teams. The upshot is, even if you don’t kick your habit, your opponents might spend less time trying to beat you. Oh, but don’t think like that …
4. Give yourself a break. Start cutting back on how often you check your teams and how much time you devote to them when you do look. You don’t have to go cold turkey, but beware the backslide. And before you use the “There are worse things I could be viewing online at 1 a.m. than West Coast box scores” excuse, save your breath—there are better things you could be doing with your time.
5. Give yourself a lengthier break. Fight the temptation to sneak off “to the bathroom” during vacations to check your league. Yes, you probably have money riding on it, but it’s not more than the thousand-something dollars you’re dropping on that family vacation.
6. If you are playing for more money than the cost of that trip, I can’t help you. You are sick and should seek immediate professional help. Maybe there’s a full 12-step program for that.
