Illustration by Alanna Cavanagh
T.S. Eliot was wrong. February, not April, is the cruelest month. The holidays are over; only a few extra pounds and a mountain of bills remain. The leaves are long gone; the trees look decidedly dead; the weather borders on bleak. The days are long but short on sunshine. Valentine’s Day may be a boon for Hallmark and horticulturists but it’s a bummer for those with non-existent or waning affections.
To survive: Think bear, think hibernation. If it were possible to while the month away in the sweet sanctity of your own home, what essentials and nonessentials of life could be brought to your front door? Actually, just about everything. Of course, getting your house cleaned, backyard maintained and windshield replaced are givens. You will get house calls from doctors on a retainer. The in-home manicurist usually results from a close relationship and years of togetherness. But many other ways to keep you cozy at home are out there for the taking. Fire up the computer. Reach for the phone. Stay in and order out.
Groceries
Schnuck Markets Inc. You needn’t go any further than your desk to stock up your shelves with groceries. Schnucks’ online service, Express Connection, (www.schnucks.com) allows you to scour every department—while still in your jammies. If you want your goods that day, the order must be placed by 11 a.m. and the service fee is $15.50. If tomorrow is good enough, order before 7 p.m. the day before. The service fee: $12.50. Dierbergs Markets (314-842-0109, fax: 314-972-9666 or 314-962-5700) does not offer the same slick shopping online experience as Schnucks but you can fax in an order or email it to groceriestogo@yahoo.com. The charge: $11.95 plus 10 percent of your grocery subtotal. Oberweis Dairy (six metro locations, www.oberweisdairy.com) leaves so much more than a gallon of milk in the refrigerated box by your door. Aside from the dairy staples such as butter, sour cream, cottage cheese and eggs, Oberweis has an extensive line of desserts (thankfully heavy on the ice cream) as well as salsas, guacamole, beef roasts, chicken, sausage, quiche and cookie dough (among other items in an ever-expanding list). Delivery fee: $2.30. The Smokehouse (16806 Chesterfield Airport, 636-532-3314), the Fortnum & Mason of this town, will pack up the items of your choice and have them delivered by car service to your door. Pick from a groaning board of cheeses, wines, meats, prepared foods, desserts and delicacies. Finish up with a feast.
Dinner Already Done
More than 40 restaurants will deliver to your door. For those in central and west St. Louis County, call 314-569-DINE or got to www.569dine.com and order food from everywhere from King Doh to Kirkwood Ice & Fuel, BARcelona, Macaroni Grill, Culpeppers and several dozen more. If you don’t mind your meals arriving frozen, there’s always Schwan’s (www.schwans.com).
But if you prefer your dinner prepared just for you: Dinner in No Thyme (314-753-7151). Julie Hojnacki first started the company in Dallas and then reopened it when she moved to St. Louis a couple of years ago. “I’ve always loved to cook,” Hojnacki says. “I needed to find a way to put that love to use.” She arrives at your door loaded down with her pots, pans, herbs, spices and groceries. “All they need is a functioning kitchen and empty freezer.” She cooks up five entrées with side dishes and enough of each to cover 10 dinners (basically two weeks) for two people. She sticks it all in the freezer. The rate: $375 (including groceries and containers) for two; each additional person is $60. The menu? “You name it, I can cook it—from hearty to gourmet,” she says. Dinner is Served (314-845-2709) follows the same formula as Dinner in No Thyme. Alison Brinker spends a morning shopping and an afternoon in the client’s home cooking up five entrées, which each constitute dinner for two (so you have enough for 10 meals, nine if one of the entrées is fresh fish). The cost: $375, with each additional person at $80. Three of her most popular creations: chicken and black bean burritos, Moroccan chicken and maple mustard salmon. The motto for The Happy Cookers, Willette Doczy and Linda Ressel (314-458-3159), is “We cook in so you don’t have to carry out.” Personal chefs, they cook meals in your home. If you want it cooked elsewhere, they will deliver on Thursdays. According to Doczy, most of the meals made fresh “have to be eaten within 48 hours or frozen.” The choices range from “down-home cooking to some gourmet,” she says. Their clientele is primarily “career people who get about three meals a week.” The rate, for two people: $140 for three meals (entrée, two sides and bread). When asked about dessert, Doczy adds: “It depends on what the client wants.”
EatPlan by Chef Richard Perry, 1-866-RDPERRY, www.eatplan.com. Perry, famous from his days as chef of the much-missed Jefferson Avenue Boarding House, may convince you to toss the tongs and leave all the cooking to him. Called “The Spa/Café at Your Door,” he delivers his meals on Mondays and Fridays, leaving the food in coolers and ice packs. Each meal can be microwaved before serving. He offers a classic EatPlan program: for one person—four days (Monday delivery): $48; three days (Friday delivery): $36; and a full week’s worth for $80. Reduced-carb plans are also offered (four days: $52; three days: $39 and all week: $85). Delivery charge: $12. Discounts are offered for orders of five or 10 weeks. (He’s working on adding breakfast and lunch).
Seattle Sutton’s Healthy Eating (eight area locations, www.seattlesutton.com) is a service guaranteeing low-fat, low-cholesterol and calorie-controlled meals; can provide up to 21 meals weekly, and will tailor the menus to fit your individual dietary program. Breakfast might be homemade granola and fruit. Dinner could be chicken rolled in Parmesan cheese on linguini topped with tomato sauce. Zone Diet at Home (800-366-9197, www.zonedietathome.com) is another alternative. Meals are shipped through the mail, overnighted or sent by the U.S. Postal Service. Food is vacuum-packed and freeze-dried. A seven-day paid trial period lets you sample food without a commitment. Entrées and snacks include delicacies such as Portobello Napleon and double chocolate chip cookies.
Beyond Dominos
Since Imo’s originated here and is considered one of the first, arguably the original St. Louis-style pie, we give you www.stlpizza.com. This Web site will allow shipping of the thin-crusted provel-dolloped pizza anywhere in the United States. Along with pizza, order toasted ravioli, blocks of provel cheese, sauces and crusts to make your own dinner.
What About Lunch?
HollyBerry Baking (284 East, 314-968-9239, www.hollyberry.com). For a lunch that’s tough to beat, call in HollyBerry, caterer to numerous corporations in town. (You can get breakfast, too, but the minimum order is eight—not so great for the average family). According to Holly Cunningham, the founder, favorite noontime repasts include Lizy’s Berry’s signature chicken salad, chicken Caesar salad or wrap and Italian club sandwich. “Sweet-wise it’s Lemon Heaven cookie,” Cunningham adds. Box salad or sandwich lunches are $9.50 each, plus delivery. Steak-Out Charbroiled Delivery (3469 Hampton, 314-832-5900; 7565 S. Lindbergh, 314-845-8585; 82 Clarkson-Wilson Centre, 636-536-1717, www.steakout.com) is the takeout for those needing chicken wings, grilled shrimp or a steak fix. Entrées come with salad and baked potatoes and range from $11-$15. Lunch specials are under $7 with cheeseburgers, chicken filets and, of course, steak sandwiches among the options. A kids’ menu, desserts and beverages can also be ordered à la carte.
Wine
Thankfully, you can get wine delivered—by the case or even the bottle—from shops all over town. For example, Grapevine Wines & Cheeses (309 S. Kirkwood, 314-909-7044), Brown Derby Wine Cellar (14125 Clayton Road, 636-207-9463) and Parker’s Table Wine and Food Shop (8137 Maryland, 314-863-4090) all said any amount could be delivered. Each employs a courier service, so the fee would depend on how far away your front door is from the store.
Life’s Other Essentials
New Clothes
Just in case you want your sweats to be composed of cashmere rather than cotton, Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus are both happy to oblige. At Neiman’s, personal shopper Mary Beth Fossell (314-567-9811, ext. 2303) will put together any type of outfit, track down a gift, fulfill your whatever whim. Best of all, there’s no minimum purchase. Saks (314-567-9200) has its Fifth Avenue Club, which clients can join (for free) and where all the basic information (size, color preference, style) is kept, right down to favorite pantyhose. One of three associates works with you to build your wardrobe and to do your shopping for you—including handbag, shoes and hose. They also buy gifts.
Cleaning Your Clothes
Fortunately, dry cleaners have been picking up and delivering for years. Among those: Banner Cleaners (500 S. Brentwood, 314-725-4000), Frontenac Cleaners (9608 Clayton, 314-993-6030), Henry Cleaners (8162 Olive, 314-993-5762), Pressed 4 Time (314-434-4333, www.pressed4time.com/stl), Suburban Cleaners (126 E. Lockwood, 314-961-1330), Wildhorse Cleaners (314-952-6452, www.wildhorsecleans.com) and West Oak Cleaners (six West County locations). If you want washables done as well, call The Laundry Shoppe (412 S. Clay, 314-821-2168).
Errands
Some errands have to be run, regardless of how mundane. The bank won’t bring you cash; not every store and very few pharmacies deliver. When you don’t have the time to do them yourself, call The Errand Boys (62 Portland, 314-432-0819). Robert Kruetz has been a professional errand runner for the past 15 years. For $30 an hour, he will: go to the grocery store, pick up/deliver to the dry cleaners, run the pet wherever, do personal shopping, drive the client to the doctor or dinner party or symphony, etc. Currently he has 50-75 regular clients and between 150-200 irregular callers. Patricia Vaughan of Errands, Etc. (7545 Cromwell, 314-721-0908, www.errands-stl.com) does whatever she can to “make your life easier.” For the past 17 years, that credo has resulted in waiting for repair people to arrive, doing all kinds of shopping, running to the drugstore or library, organizing closets and basements and files, paying bills, balancing checkbooks, delivering presents, taking people to doctors or the airport. She charges $40 an hour with a one-hour minimum. “Problem solving is my favorite thing to do,” Vaughan says. “I love it when a client says ‘I don’t know how you are going to get it done but just do it.’” She handles approximately 200 regular clients. KSF Personal Concierge Service owner Sue Flacke (314-920-0134) pays bills, goes grocery shopping, runs errands, stays at the house for repairs and schedules events. She lists 34 specific services, including returning movies to Blockbuster, picking up tickets, wrapping gifts and purchasing restaurant gift certificates. Her rate: $30 an hour in the 40-to-270-highway corridor, with additional charges beyond those boundaries.
Dealing With the Dog
Being housebound with an unruly canine can tax the nerves. Dog trainer Megan Atkinson of County Animal Hospital (636-256-7387, www.countyanimalhosp.com) will happily drive to your rescue. For $80 a lesson (or $350 for five), she will devise a training program “tailored to the needs of the dog and the owners.” To keep your Spot spiffy, call in the groomer. Aussie Pet Mobile (800-738-6624, www.aussiepetmobile.com) comes to your home to do more than “throw them in a bathtub or hose them down,” according to owner Jim Singler. For $55 your dog gets a 15-step spa treatment covering everything from cleaning eyes and ears, a heated hydro-bath, massage, multiple brush outs and trimming of pads. Other options include teeth brushing, nail clipping, nail painting and a shedding treatment call the FURminator. On the Spot LLC Mobile Dog Grooming (314-565-6676) offers a similar beautifying service. “My shop comes to you,” says owner Martie Moceri. “I can perform anything in my van that can be done in a grooming shop.” The beauty visit takes between two and two-and-a-half hours. The treatment: warm massage bath, shampoo, hair conditioning, nails clipped and ground, ears cleaned. Her forte is hand scissoring. The cost depends on the breed but ranges from $62 to $175. If your pet gets puckered out and needs the attention of a doctor? Call Dr. Michael Kopf of HomeVet (636-227-1371). Travel and examination costs $63 (with a 10 percent discount for seniors) plus the cost of services. And the backyard you prefer to avoid? Yucko’s (314-770-1500, www.yuckos.com) will come by and pick up deposits without a contract and whenever you’d like. The rate is $17 for once a week, $13 to $15 per visit for twice a week, $22 for every other week. Canine Waste Management (314-605-7301) offers the same service for $13 a visit twice a week, $17 once a week and $24 for every other week. Of if you decide that you want your pooch to pack up and take a vacation of its own, Cedar Valley Kennels (636-274-2275) will pick up and deliver. Rates: $15 per day plus pick-up and delivery charges of $20 each way.
Computer Woes
Few things are quite as gut wrenching as realizing your computer has crashed into cyber oblivion. If you need repair, three experts (of many) who come to your home are: Elaine Tenzer of Systems and Strategies (314-991-0196) for $75 per hour and Nick Kasoff (314-991-7740), at $90 an hour. They both specialize in Microsoft. If you have a Mac, dial up Tina Bader at Computer Solutions (314-918-7600). She charges $125 an hour.
Massage
While the world outside deals with the February funks, you can call in Gloria LaCroix (314-605-3632) to therapeutically massage your cares away. A graduate of the Healing Arts Center, LaCroix arrives at your door with her massage table, sheets and lotion. Her rate: $70 an hour. To be clear, she stresses that her work is purely therapeutic. “If you want that other kind of massage, you want Bambi,” she jokes. “She’s half as old as me and twice as expensive.”
Exercise
Tambra Galarnyk (314-863-6288) comes into your home and trains you with all of her own equipment. She packs and brings (at one time or another) an oversized ball, tubing, Reebok core board, Dyna disc, a wooden box, dumbbells and medicine ball. Her rate: $55 an hour. (If you are so inclined, she is also a certified triathlon coach). Brad Wadlow (314-576-6657, www.bradwadlow.com) also comes to you for a workout. If your gym is nonexistent, he brings in resistance bands and small dumbbells. “You can really get an amazing workout with it if everything is done right,” Wadlow says. The rates: $65 an hour, or $600 for 10 sessions. Ellen Harden (636-532-0869) also charges $65 an hour and also comes equipped with bands, foam rolls and balls. “Everybody has different needs,” she says, adding she also does some Pilates work with her clients. Dave Reddy (314-477-6520) trains people who usually have their own equipment. His clients include those going through post-rehab conditioning “and a few other 50- and 60-year-olds who want to stay in shape.” His rate: $60 an hour.
Breathe Deeply
Add to your state of serenity with some deep breathing and challenging poses. Jane Fitzgerald, proprietor of Yoga to Go (4429 Laclede, 314-535-4310), teaches Hatha yoga in the style of Lyengar and charges $108 an hour for any number of people, so gather ye friends. Or Jan Easterly Herzog (314-781-7111) charges $60 an hour and teaches therapeutic, beginning and Anusara yoga. Herzog also doubles as a masseuse.
Getting Dolled Up
At a rate of $50 an hour, Stephanie Asbed (636-399-7167), a well-known makeup artist in town, will come to your home and give you the works: facial, haircut, style and makeup. Priscilla Case (314-367-3131) will also come to your house and not only cut your hair, but color it as well (with the cost of the product added). She also offers styling, up-dos, makeup and makeup lessons. Rate: $90 per hour.
Dying for DVDs?
Want to see an old movie or brand-new release? Log on to www.netflix.com and for $17.99 a month, you can get whatever flick you fancy sent to your home. After you watch the film, zip it back in the postage-paid envelope and wait for another from your queue to arrive. Not to be outdone, Blockbuster (www.blockbuster.com) offers the same service, for $14.99 a month. Both fees include unlimited rentals (although you can never have more than three movies out at one time).
