Queer Eye’s grooming guru takes aim at an editor’s features
By Matthew Halverson
Photograph by Mark Gilliland
I wouldn’t normally sweat a guy’s appraisal of my appearance, but when Kyan Douglas of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy gave me a B-minus, I’ll be honest, I cried a little on the inside.
At the Galleria this summer to promote a well-known line of cosmetics, Douglas took a few minutes to launch a salvo of man-grooming critiques at the region north of my neck. Admittedly, I asked for it. And as his barrel-chested “handler” with a shiny bald pate and shinier pink tie looked on, Douglas let me have it, patting my knee from time to time to soften the sting of zingers like “I had a goatee once. I look back at pictures now and say, ‘Oh my God, what was I thinking?’”
The better question: “What was I thinking, letting this guy verbally mangle my mug?” I didn’t even get a new couch or tips for making a killer mojito.
Skin: “Have you burned a lot? There’s some redness and blotchiness. You look like you might have a little bit of photodamage.”
Eyebrows: “Your brows are pretty bushy. They’re pretty intense. You could use a little trimming, and you could shape them up a little.”
Hair: “I like your hair. It’s very simple and straightforward. Guys don’t have a lot of options for style, so it’s OK to buzz it one year and then grow it out the next to make a statement.”
Sideburns: “They get a little weak at the bottom, don’t they? You’re about a half-inch off on one side, too.”
Goatee: “I’m not a huge fan of goatees. It dates you. I just think it’s trendy, and I’m personally not a fan of trendiness. You could do a 5 o’clock shadow—but this, I don’t like it.”
