By Susan Spanel
Beware, Romeo: Flowers carry meaning—meanings, actually—entirely open to interpretation. Meaning hers. Before you go with the tried-and-true roses, know that color is everything. Red anything means love, passion, heat heat heat, right? But what if you’re the quiet type who wants a gentler point? Yellow roses can convey friendship, which sounds sweet. But what man sends a gesture like that to a friend? Billy Crystal maybe, when Harry had just met Sally. Just remember what happened to Harry that fateful night when he responded to his female friend’s cry for help.
For those thinking of more than friendship, try tulips—a symbol of the perfect lover. But look out. That ego of yours just might create unrealistic expectations; so if you get a striped carnation in the mail, the lapel or the kisser, it means bye-bye!
Are you the practical type? Or maybe subtly sexy? Try a cactus. Yep. You thought thorny? It really means what it typically signifies: endurance. Now before you jump to any conclusions about mixing that with tulips, remember the carnation again. She could be handing you a yellow one in response this time, tougher even than the striped “No, thanks.” Rejection, pure and simple, and more to the point: You have disappointed me. So be careful what you wish for and what you promise.
You could try a plant. Long-lasting and a constant reminder of you, it will thrive even when the bud’s off the blossom, so to speak. Many women love asparagus ferns; they’re frilly, lush and fairly hearty. But they convey fascination, so unless you’re a stalker or a hanger-on, maybe not. Ferns also thrived millions of years ago, before flowering plants, so unless you want to tell her you think she’s older than a dinosaur, perhaps you should go with a geranium. Then again, sometimes that means stupidity and folly. In other words, you won’t even get to first base, buddy. But the white ones supposedly keep flies and snakes away, so try one on the front porch, and see if it works on unwanted sales solicitors instead.
Daffodils could be a good choice—who doesn’t love the symbol of spring? Love in bloom and all that. But its botanical name, Narcissus, is Greek and means “to numb.” So what’s that about? Well, allegedly, if you’re enclosed in a small space with these little trumpets, the scent induces a headache. See? You’ve gotten to the old-married-couple syndrome with one measly bouquet. Who knew? Think you’re better than that? Remember what cockiness cost Narcissus.
Better to go with strength of character, admiration and sincerity. That would be the gladiolus, the flower of the gladiators. Because the leaves are blade-shaped and the word means “sword,” it’s a perfect way to tell her she’s, er, pierced your heart?
Of course, the gladiolus has another meaning: Give me a break. And who doesn’t need one on Valentine’s Day? Especially if you’re looking to disarm her.
En garde, love!
