Photograph by Tanja Hollander
Wondering whether her “Facebook friends” were actual friends, St. Louis–born artist Tanja Hollander set out to meet every last one of her 600-plus Facebook friends in person, photograph them, spend a night in their home, and explore the gray area between digital friendship and the real McCoy. Her project, chronicled on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/are.you.really.my.friend), has taught her more than she expected.
How many of your Facebook friends have you photographed?
I’m only about a third of the way through. I’ve done 251. I have 626 total, plus or minus. It depends largely on funding, but I think it’ll take another year or two to shoot. I’ve been to 15 states, and I have plans to go to Europe, Asia, Africa, and New Zealand. It’s one of those projects that has spiraled out of my control.
What have you learned from the project?
I’m exhausted, but I really love what I’m doing. I’m learning so much about myself, life, culture, community, and the arts. Every artist got hit hard when the economy crashed, and I’ve learned a lot about how creatives survive in tough times,too.
It seems so few of the people in the project’s photos are smiling.
I did a long exposure. I’m shooting on film, with only available light, so people have to sit really still and be focused on the picture happening and not other distractions. It’s easier for them to hold an expression that’s not a smile, and I tell them that. If you look at the history of photography and paintings, nobody’s smiling because they have to sit so still. It’s a technical thing. I aesthetically like it as well. Sometimes the kids are smiling, though, because they just can’t help it.
What if I tried to friend you now–would you then have to photograph me?
I’m still accepting friendships, I’m just not necessarily going to photograph you.
I’ve learned a ridiculous amount about friendship and relationships. I think one of the things that constantly surprises me is how kind and generous people are, if you just put forth a little effort. My trip to St. Louis was amazing. I grew up there, and I photographed my best friend from first grade.
Has your view of the Facebook experience changed as a result of your work?
I started off very cynical. I’m less cynical now because I’m realizing that a lot of us, especially when we first joined Facebook, didn’t grasp that it can control us. For instance, everybody has those nights when we can’t sleep and we’re just clicking around and scrolling through and we wind up looking at somebody’s wedding pictures, and pretty soon it’s 3 a.m. That’s letting it control you. But I love the real connections in real life that it can facilitate. Facebook isn’t a substitute for real life, but you can use it to benefit real life. The project isn’t really so much about Facebook as it is about how we interact and create community in the age of social media and technology. It just happens that Facebook is a great tool for figuring that out. Communities are disappearing, but not online. It’s about how we build communities online. Facebook is so new. We don’t really know how to use it best yet, I would argue, and we don’t know the effect of the Internet on us fully, yet.
So who didn’t want to be photographed, and did you get an idea of why not?
Just about everyone I asked has agreed to this, but two of my really close friends said they didn’t want to be photographed, and I was so surprised. I thought maybe I forgot their kids’ birthdays or drank too much wine and said something obnoxious, but no, it was privacy issues for both of them, which is interesting, considering that they’re on Facebook (Laughs). One of them didn’t want her home online, and the other one had a wife who didn’t want their home online. Some people don’t have a lot of people over to their house. Some people view their homes as incredibly private. At the other end of the spectrum, I was in Houston and I was photographing a professional contact, an interior designer who’d bought my work for a client, but whom I didn’t know really well. I felt really weird asking if I could stay at her house. I showed up and she was on her way to a wedding shower, and she left me her keys and a note that said there’s beer in the fridge, make yourself at home. I have friends who wouldn’t even do that. We all have different levels of privacy.
Have you have any uncomfortable moments in your travels?
The only sort of uncomfortable thing is a friend in Vermont who I knew, but I didn’t know his wife, and she didn’t want to have anything to do with the project. Unbeknownst to him, she was emailing me, trying to explain her problem with it. She said was trying to teach her kids about Internet safety, and this was the exact opposite of that. (Laughs) In the meantime, he agreed to host me. I got there, and the wife and children literally hid upstairs the entire time I was there. She never even came down to greet me. I never met her or her kids at all. Very strange. So I was in and out of that house pretty quick.
Your project seems to have the potential to make others try the same thing, to be reminded what real friendship is like.
I say go for it. I just sent people an email that said “I’m working on this thing; are you in, are you not in?” It’s that simple. Breaking bread is a great way to connect with somebody. You can start with that. People get bogged down on Facebook by the fact that it’s a one-sided conversation. You have to engage people on Facebook, just the way you would in real life.
I bet that at this point you’re able to get to sleep just about anywhere.
Yeah [Laughs]. I can sleep on any couch. I’m not picky.
