It can be tough to meet new people in this town, where everyone seems to have known each other since preschool and all the activities are "family-oriented." Local singles bear the brunt of our collective complacency and insular nature. But even though St. Louisans can be cliquish, they can also be a friendly bunch, and with the expanding nightlife, dining and arts scenes, there are more ways than you'd think to add some fresh faces to your life.
ARTS EVENTS With gallery walks, art fairs, craft shows and film festivals, our town's cultural cup overfloweth. Arts events draw surprisingly democratic crowds, appealing equally to cultural sophisticates and neophytes, sensitive arty types and tough guys. Still intimidated? Relax, smile and ask a stranger who catches your eye, "What do you make of this piece?" Even if you don't make a connection, you might find something to fill the bare spot over the couch.
BARTENDERS Cupid arrives in many forms--a doting grandmother, a professional matchmaker, a computer program, even a bartender. Find yourself somebody like Han, the charming bartender at Bar Napoli. The diminutive man from Vietnam has a faithful following of both men and women who sidle up to the bar just to sit and chat with him. Not only is he thrilled to see you, but he also takes good care of his customers, freshening their drinks, checking on their appetizers and, when inspired, matching up one regular with another. Han's a superb bartender. His pairing-up skills are simply the olive in the martini.
BOOKSTORES If an hour or two of browsing at a bookstore is your ideal way to spend a rainy Saturday, why not browse for love while you're at it? There's nothing more romantic than reaching for the same book at the same moment. Hint: Avoid the children's and self-help sections (at least the aisle with the marriage-saving advice). Better bets: the travel, arts, fiction and cooking sections. Can't bring yourself to start a conversation? Ask for a recommendation. bartender. His pairing-up skills are simply the olive in the martini.
DANCING Salsa or swing, dancing's back. It's sexy and disinhibiting--and left feet are not an obstacle. Latin dance clubs often open the evening with a lesson, and you don't need a partner to get swirled onto the dance floor. Dance studios all over town hold dance parties and offer drop-in lessons at all skill levels. And you can always round up a big group and go to the St. Louis Casa Loma Ballroom: prom without the angst.
ACTIVITY CLUBS Tired of explaining why you'd rather be running than lazing in front of the television watching Martha try to regain her pre-ankle bracelet following? Join a club that caters to an activity you enjoy: skiing, biking, underwater basket-weaving ... You might not meet your mate, but you'll at least be doing what you love with people who feel the same way.
BOOKSTORES If an hour or two of browsing at a bookstore is your ideal way to spend a rainy Saturday, why not browse for love while you're at it? There's nothing more romantic than reaching the same moment. Hint: Avoid the children's and self-help sections (at least the aisle with the marriage-saving advice). Better bets: the travel, arts, fiction and cooking sections. Can't bring yourself to start a conversation? Ask for a recommendation. dance parties and offer drop-in lessons at all skill levels. And you can always round up a big group and go to the St. Louis Casa Loma Ballroom: prom without the angst.
AT WORK The water cooler is an easy place to meet--but tread lightly: Not only do many employers frown on or outright prohibit office romances, but working with your sweetheart is tricky. All that clandestine sexual energy livens up the workday, but one workrelated disagreement and things can get messy faster than the Donald can say, "You're fired!"
BOWLING Think bowling is only for balding, beer-bellied guys in matching shirts? Think again. Bowling is actually a great equalizer--little athletic prowess is required to play, and everyone has to wear those ridiculous shoes. St. Louis now offers a couple of spots for "boutique" bowling--places more nightclub than alley, where singles sip martinis between strikes and you won't have to fight throngs of kiddies and leaguers for a lane.
CLASSES If you've always wanted to learn Chinese or master the fundamentals of Tuscan cooking, take a class, and you'll be surrounded by other interesting people who love to learn. Bonus factor: The pressure's off; because classes often meet multiple times, students can get to know each other gradually.
DATING SERVICES Yes, technically these are blind dates--but this is not a date with a "nice" young person your mother or nosy neighbor thinks is perfect for you. These are dates chosen for you by experts, guided by the preferences and qualities you dictate. In the case of those lunchtime or eight-minute arrangements, the meetings are kept to a limited timeframe, a blessed relief if Ms. Bright, Attractive Redhead turns out not to be your cup of tea.
FAITH-BASED GROUPS Most religions have a vested interest in matching the devout and praying that they'll procreate. Still, the premise is solid: You'll be meeting singles with a similar worldview and values, and you'll see them in situations that reveal far more than the conventional date will. Note: The same dynamic holds true for secular-humanist study groups and atheist organizations, so there's a venue for everybody.
FRIENDS' WEDDINGS Even if your invitation didn't read "and guest," don't shy away from friends' weddings. Surely you're not the happy couple's only fabulous single friend, and where else does romance hang so heavily in the air? Skip the humiliation of the bouquet and garter tosses; charm your tablemates with your witty conversation instead.
FUNDRAISERS If you love to dress up and hit the town for a night of drinking and dancing with friends, why not do it for a good cause? Fundraisers are packed with people willing to have a good time for charity. Don't let the stereotype of old ladies in furs stop you--fundraisers come in varied forms, from trivia nights to grand galas, and cater to a range of ages. These days all the major cultural institutions, from the Saint Louis Zoo to the Contemporary Art Museum St. Louis, have young-friends groups, seducing the next generation of donors with lively events.
GYMS If a healthy lifestyle and physical fitness are on your musthave list, head to the gym, which is full of folks who will meet your criteria. Choose your gym or fitness center by degree of obsession: If overmuscled and ueber-buff isn't your thing, you won't have to sweat it at a friendly neighborhood YMCA, where you're more likely to encounter health-minded everyday folks than beefy body builders.
ALUMNI CLUBS Many a couple met while in college, but if you made it to graduation still single, who's to say it's too late? Your status as an alum means you can meet people through your college: Alumni clubs host all sorts of events, from fundraisers to homecoming picnics, and showing up is a great way to meet people of similar educational backgrounds while rehashing your glory days on campus.
BLIND DATES Blind dates are the root canals of the dating world-- but they can be quite successful. And if you were fixed up by someone who knows you well, chances are, you've at least got enough in common to spend a pleasant evening with someone new. Plan on kissing frogs-- but be willing to be surprised.
DOG PARKS What better chance for a playful encounter? St. Louis now has six dog parks where dogs may run off-leash (University City, Maplewood, Wentzville, the Shaw neighborhood and two in the Central West End) and at least 11 more in the works. If a chase ensues, you'll know you both love dogs; if nothing happens, you've got unconditional love to reassure you all the way home. Contemporary Art Museum St. Louis, have young-friends groups, seducing the next generation of donors with lively events. off-leash (University City, Maplewood, Wentzville, the Shaw neighborhood and two in the Central West End) and at least 11 more in the works. If a chase ensues, you'll know you both love dogs; if nothing happens, you've got unconditional love to reassure you all the way home. multiple times, students can get to know each other gradually. Even if your invitation didn't read "and guest," don't shy away from friends' weddings. Surely you're not the happy couple's only fabulous single friend, and where else does romance hang so heavily in the air? Skip the humiliation of the bouquet and garter tosses; charm your tablemates with your witty conversation instead. Many a couple met while in college, but if you made coming picnics, and showing
HIGH-SCHOOL REUNIONS High school is a rich source of dating material--but when you're actually there, you're too young to realize it. While you were mooning after the quarterback or the cheerleader, the quiet-but-interesting kids on the sidelines were developing into fascinating people. Going to a reunion can serve a double purpose: While you're meeting all those interesting ex-geeks, you'll be showing the former objects of your unrequited desire just how fabulous you've become.
HOBBIES Whether you're into birdwatching or bonsai, calligraphy or collecting Star Wars figurines, there's bound to be a club formed by people obsessed with the same hobby. You may or may not find a match, but you will definitely find people who will smile when you wax poetic about your passion.
MATCHMAKERS Convinced you can't do it on your own? Call in professional help in the form of a matchmaker. Yes, they still exist, and no, you don't have to be Jewish--though many do cater primarily to the Jewish community, today's matchmakers are usually willing to help singles of any race or creed. Don't be quick to rule out this approach as too Old World; it's simply a one-person version of a modern dating service, where dates are selected based on your preferences. It may even come with a sort of moneyback guarantee, since some matchmakers don't charge a fee until a pairing results in marriage. Just don't call your matchmaker a yenta. Yentas are busybodies, constantly poking their noses into everyone's business, welcome or not. The term for matchmaker is shadchan.
ONLINE DATING Where else can you flirt in a plaid flannel bathrobe? Cyber-dating is convenient, the pool's vast, you can narrow your search at the touch of a button, you can cling to anonymity as long as you like and you'll learn far more about the other person than you'd ever learn from a chance meeting at a bar or party. "Treat it like a metaphysical party, where you chat and flirt and move on," suggests a friend. "Every contact doesn't have to be 'the one.'"
SOFTBALL Grab your glove. There are parish softball teams, office softball teams, civic softball teams ... and there's nothing like working up a sweat together--and drinking cold beer with the gang afterward-- to strip away pretense. Many a St. Louis marriage has been made on the softball field.
VOLUNTEERING Everyone wants to meet someone with a good heart. Getting involved with local volunteer efforts gives you a better chance of hooking up with someone who cares about the world ... or at least is savvy enough to know that he or she should. Wary of big commitments? Try one of the umbrella groups that provide volunteer help to whatever small nonprofit needs it most.
YOUR CAREER Keeping all ethical boundaries intact, take deliberate advantage of your career --or somebody else's expertise. If you're writing a mystery novel, interview a cute forensic examiner. If you meet a photographer who intrigues you and you've been playing around with an old Leica for years, ask for lessons.
AND WHO COULD FORGET THE SLM SINGLES PARTY? Shameless self-promotion? You bet. But the St. Louis Magazine singles party has a proven track record of successful connections--we know of at least two (and there are likely countless other) super-eligible dyed-in-the-wool bachelors who arrived at last year's party unattached but left firmly on the road to coupledom. A year later, both relationships are still going strong. This party only takes place once a year, so don't miss your chance: 6:30- 11 p.m. November 23 at the Khorassan Room of the Chase Park Plaza. Tickets are $18 in advance and $20 at the door; proceeds benefit Food Outreach. Visit www.stlmag.com, call 314-918-3002 or e-mail mriley@stlmag.com for details.
