Photographs by Katherine Bish
Categorizing St. Louis bars should be easy, right? When you’re visiting more than 20 spots in a month, though, the task can seem more endless than effortless. The same questions, the same people, the same people asking the same questions—it can get monotonous, as can the stares from those who don’t understand why anyone would sit at a bar on a Saturday night and scribble in a notebook (even if she is holding a beer). But we didn’t suffer the exhaustion and weird looks because it would be easy. We did it so you’d know where to spend your weekend nights.
You know it’s the place to be if:
• The ubiquitous Jägermeister shot dispenser is nowhere to be found
• The martini menu doesn’t have prices
• The line to the bathroom of the opposite sex is longer than yours
• The bartender asks your name and remembers it the next time you’re in
• There isn’t one seat available in the house
“The Donnybrook crew goes to King Louie’s every Thursday night, and we’ll often run into a couple trial lawyers we know, sometimes a judge, advertising people,” says Bill McClellan, St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist and weekly KETC-Channel 9 combatant. “We talk about politics, a little bit about life … but usually politics. And usually I have a couple of glasses of red wine for my heart. Martin [Duggan] will have a glass of white, because he’s not so concerned. He’s a Republican; he’s got a little-bitty heart.”
King Louie’s, 3800 Chouteau, 314-865-3662, www.kinglouies.com
Being the morning drive-time personality at Classic 99 KFUO-FM means getting up at 3:30 a.m. and being on air by 5 a.m., ready to nail every opus number and enunciate every syllable of Hieronymous Praetorius. So, for Tom Sudholt, happy hour’s at 2 p.m. He goes at least once a week to Iron Barley: “Everybody’s there. All social strata, all socioeconomic levels. It’s relaxed, informal—the kind of place where you can let your hair down. Even if you don’t have a lot of hair.”
Iron Barley, 5510 Virginia, 314-351-4500, www.ironbarley.com
Every Sunday, you can find Mario Barretto, tennis pro at Algonquin Country Club and the Missouri Athletic Club West, and Sue Ferguson, CEO of Ferguson Consulting, sipping mimosas at Duff’s. “We shake the place up a bit,” says Ferguson. “We like the characters. There’s not a better place to people-watch. We sit back by the kitchen and the waiters come back and we talk about everybody in the restaurant.”
Duff’s, 392 N. Euclid, 314-361-0522, www.dineatduffs.com
Beer Garden
Schneithorst’s
1600 S. Lindbergh, 314-993-4100
From Schneithorst’s upper level, you can look down on Lindbergh’s traffic, as well as to the patio across the street at Brio, where the diners certainly aren’t having as much fun as you are. With ample seating and a friendly, prompt staff, this beer garden will convince you you’re in Germany. Order one of the several domestics on tap, drink from reusable plastic cups and make sure to check out the European plumbing before you leave.
Thing to look for: the fake birds in the nest above the bar
Venice Café
1903 Pestalozzi, 314-772-5994
Where else in St. Louis can you sit among salvaged bottle caps glued to the walls and indulge in a brew next to a statue of the Virgin Mary? Truly an artistic experience, the Venice Café’s beer garden never fails to provide something for the eye to enjoy. Its homemade stools at the boat-shaped bar are the most popular seats in the house. You won’t find another spot in the area that mixes this kind of atmosphere with these prices—and let’s be honest; why wouldn’t you want to sit outside and smell the brewery?
Thing to not be scared of: the collage of decapitated doll heads
Boathouse
6101 Government, 314-367-2224
No St. Louis summer is complete without a visit to the Boathouse in Forest Park, where you can feed ducks, row your own boat or simply have a drink while watching it all happen. It’s a laid-back atmosphere with an even more laid-back attitude toward service (waiters don’t tend to the beer garden, so you’re on your own to get a Fat Tire from the bar), but the live music and view of the World’s Fair Pavilion, up the hill, make this a prime place to be on a sweltering evening in the city.
Thing to hope for: an overpour on your plastic cup of wine
Chic Lounge
Atomic Cowboy
4140 Manchester, 314-775-0775
Like most 3 a.m. bars in the city, the Atomic Cowboy attracts every kind of customer, from the nouveaux riches to the not-so-nouveaux riches, from the college groupies to the struggling artists. The hip and trendy décor befits the cocktails-and-martinis crowd, but come 1 a.m., the Pabst-in-a-can swillers are out in force.
Thing to look for: the large outdoor patio (really, you can’t miss it)
Urban
3216 S. Grand, 314-772-3308
Even though this bar’s crowd is more on the alternative side, Urban is definitely the new hip spot for weekend nights. Its window seats and couches let you relax and enjoy the stark and appropriately urban ambience. DJs supply both rooms with music, and the owner can almost always be seen tending bar. You’ll wait longer for the fresh-juice–infused drinks than for your typical Jack-and-Coke (try five minutes for a mojito), but it’s worth it.
Reason to pace yourself: the Demure—an addictive drink that combines strawberry Stoli, balsamic vinegar and strawberries
The Maryland House at Brennan’s
4659A Maryland, 314-961-9444
Walk through the unmarked door and up the steps to this hideaway in the Central West End that looks more like someone’s abode than an actual bar. Laid out like a chic apartment composed of several rooms, each with its own distinctive feel, The Maryland House serves wine, mixed drinks and beer (from a big tin tub) in an unbelievably swanky atmosphere.
Thing to indulge in: the flat-screen TV and leather couch in the decidedly manly back room
Place to be Seen
Busch’s Grove
9160 Clayton, 314-993-0011
Since its renovation, the retro bar at Busch’s Grove has given the be-seen-ers a new place to congregate in the county. Don’t be intimidated by the high-priced sedans in the lot, the valet parking (it’s free!) or the executives making deals at the sushi bar; they’re all there for a drink, just like you. And despite what you might read about menu prices, you can get an $8 glass of wine—and it won’t even be the cheapest in the house.
Things to not be creeped out by: the naked-baby paintings on the wall
Lucas Park Grille
1234 Washington, 314-241-7770
To many, St. Louis’ upper crust is nonexistent until they visit Lucas Park. The large, circular bar is usually crowded with thirsty people trying their hardest to catch the bartender’s eye, but the space is swanky enough that people-watching is often more entertaining than having a drink.
Thing to be aware of: You aren’t crazy—the lights inside really do change color every five seconds.
The Royale
3132 S. Kingshighway, 314-772-3600
A favorite among local politicians, writers, hipsters and other city enthusiasts, The Royale is the place to see and be seen in South City. Sip on a River des Peres (a very dirty martini) or nosh on pizzetas while sitting in a church pew under the boxing memorabilia adorning the walls or join your friends while they play washers in the outdoor area that doubles as owner Steve Smith’s back yard.
Thing you can’t miss: the industrial juicer behind the bar (it’s big)
After the jury foreman intones “Not guilty,” local defense lawyer Scott Rosenblum (who loathes the tag “high-profile” and prefers to be described as “amazing”) celebrates with his colleagues at Café Napoli. Whether they land on the bar or café side, the bartender spots them and pours Rosenblum’s favorite beer unasked. “Tony and Andy treat us like family,” Rosenblum says, referring to the owners, the Pietosos, “and there’s privacy when we need it to discuss cases. If you want to stay for the action, you can—but typically, at my age, I leave.”
Bar Napoli, 7754 Forsyth, 314-863-5731, www.cafenapoli.com
Dance
Wild Country
17 Gateway Drive, Collinsville, 618-346-6775
Wild Country is the place to be if you have the slightest itch to boogie with veterans, college students or anyone in between. Try your hardest to get a dance in with the man wearing a sheriff’s star on his sleeveless cowboy shirt. Not a fan of country music? You won’t be alone—most people are simply there to dance (or to get on television—KMOV tapes St. Louis Country here on Thursdays).
Thing to beware of: the overzealous dancer who accidentally kicks a cameraman in the head
St. Louis Casa Loma Ballroom
3354 Iowa, 314-664-8000
When it isn’t rented out for wedding receptions or business meetings, St. Louis’ only remaining ballroom hosts swing and ballroom dancing to the music of touring bands from across the country. The balcony is perfect for watching the people on the packed floor below.
Thing to watch out for: again, the overzealous dancer
The Pepper Lounge
2005 Locust, 314-241-2005
If you’re dancing to hip-hop music somewhere other than The Pepper Lounge on Saturdays, you might as well be dancing in your own basement. You can rent a room and pay for bottle service if you’re feeling like a player or just buy your vodka-and-tonics one at a time like the rest of the plebes, but, either way, once you’re a couple drinks down, you’re only a few steps away from the gyrating throng.
Reason to bring your camera: surprise appearances by celebrities big (Nelly) and not-so-big (Jason Patric)
Sports Bar
Ozzie’s
645 Westport Plaza, 314-434-1000
As most sports fans like it, the number of televisions at Ozzie’s is quite excessive—even for a sports bar. With 55 screens, this Westport location is popular for its food (wings and the like), authentic sports memorabilia, drinks and fans, who can scare you with their loud hooting and hollering if you aren’t paying attention—but how can you not, with 55 screens?
Person to look for: Ozzie Smith
Harpo’s
136 Hilltown Village Center, 636-537-1970
Tucked at the end of a strip mall in Chester-field, Harpo’s makes you feel at home—and back in college—no matter how out of place you actually are. With sports memorabilia spotting the walls, tables shellacked with ads for local businesses and a “keep your cup” mentality, it meets every qualification for being a neighborhood sports bar—including serving some of the best fries around.
Reason to keep smiling: the sign that reads, “Beatings will continue until morale improves.”
Mercury
1025 Spruce, 314-621-5502
As hundreds of people leaving the Cardinals game walk past Mercury, a select few will stop for a drink at the new bar, giving downtown the after-hours feel it craves. Mercury’s outdoor area is stocked with a grill, and the two-story interior is covered in original décor and exposed brick, giving the place a non–sports bar sort of feel, but the employees and the fans (and the big screen TV) provide the right environment for a postgame party.
Thing to beware of: the rowdy pack of revelers trekking down Spruce after a Cards victory
Pub
Growlers Pub
3811 S. Lindbergh, 314-984-9009
With the largest beer selection in St. Louis, customers of all kinds come here knowing that they’ll find what they want—no matter what it is—from Hacker-Pschorr to a Bells Porter. If people-watching isn’t your thing and your friends just aren’t doing it for you, stick your nose in the extensive manual, which guides the common man through cigar-smoking etiquette, beer-brewing and scotch-drinking.
Reason to bring your reading glasses: the random quotes about alcohol written on the walls
Llywelyn’s Pub
4747 McPherson, 314-361-3003; two other locations
Just ignore the double “L” and say it like it sounds. Want a smooth, malty Welsh ale? They’ve got Double Dragon. How about a premium lager? Make it a Stella Artois. Its three locations throughout the city are frequented by genuine pub-goers and laypeople alike who love fine ale, live music and all the Welsh chips and pub pretzels they can eat.
Reason to stay after happy hour: the drink specials after 10 p.m.
John D. McGurk’s Irish Pub
1200 Russell, 314-776-8309
It isn’t as small as most Irish pubs, but you’ll feel just as cramped among 200 of your newest friends as you would be at a smaller place. McGurk’s is the place where Guinness and authentic Irish music are as plentiful as the parking is lacking. Common sights include the middle-aged people dancing their tushes off and newly minted 21-year-olds legally taking shots for the first time.
Reason to leave after happy hour: the veiled bride-to-be towing 20 genitalia paraphernalia–waving friends
Kevin Klupe’s a special agent for Missouri Alcohol and Tobacco Control—he enforces liquor license compliance. For camaraderie, though, he goes a couple times a week to O’Connell’s. “All the guys from our office bum there,” he says. “I wouldn’t want to be at a place where you’ve got a bunch of yuppies with the suspenders—the wannabes, the people who tell you how important they are, and they’re not. Because of our job, we know most everybody in St. Louis—it’s the biggest little town in America. You go to O’Connell’s, you get the scoop.”
O’Connell’s Pub, 4652 Shaw, 314-773-6600
Everyman’s
Famous Bar
5213 Chippewa, 314-832-2211
No, not like the department store. With top-shelf whiskeys, cigars and the best-looking bar in St. Louis, the Famous Bar attracts every type of South City resident, thanks to its central location in the neighborhood. It’s a couple of low-slung leather couches away from being too lounge-y, but the pool table and live music pull it back toward the realm of the Everyman.
Things to look at: the ceiling
Riddle’s Penultimate Café & Wine Bar
6307 Delmar, 314-725-6985
Located in St. Louis’ prime people-watching territory (you know the place—it’s the one where you have to weave in and out of the outside tables on your way west from The Pageant), Riddle’s boasts some of the best live music in town but never charges a cover. The waitstaff may seem a little casual, but the large drink menu is proof that Riddle’s knows its stuff.
Person to look for: the guy wearing a homemade hat who plays guitar outside Soulard Market every Saturday morning
Cabin Inn
701 N. 15th, 314-276-3702
After a long night spent romping around the City Museum, relax at this small cabin on the ground level that serves quality beer and grilled hot dogs and brats in a killer vibe. You can watch kids throw rubber balls at each other in the huge pen or listen to them thunder down the slide above. It’s a low-maintenance, beer-drinking atmosphere, which is a nice change of pace after the mania of the museum.
Thing to look for: the imported beer from Wisconsin.
Billy Handmaker is head of Crossroads School, and his wife, Betul Ozmat, assists the dean at Washington University’s George Warren Brown School of Social Work—so their days are weighted with educational idealism. To cut loose, they go to Blueberry Hill. “I can have a beer and the kids can have pancakes—or I can have a veggie burger and fries and the carnivores can have a cheeseburger,” says Handmaker. “It fills all our bodily needs. And the place is just fun; it’s just a nice, relaxed time.”
Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar, 314-727-4444, www.blueberryhill.com
