Photograph by Matthew O'Shea
Routine beckons like a granny in flannel, drawing us inside her warm, stuffy little house ... where she will eat us alive. That’s why January’s such a gift—a chance to blithely ignore the wolf at the door, break old habits, explore unknown parts of ourselves and untapped possibilities in our lives. The only problem is, we stop seeing it that way the minute the hangover wears off. Here, then, is the first season’s worth of our guide to having the best year of your life. (Sorry, if you want the whole thing, you’re going to have to buy the magazine—this kind of info doesn’t come cheap.)
WINTER
break bad habits
After filming obsessive-compulsive addicted neurotic support-group devotees for his recent indie hit, A., we figured director and native St. Louisan Daniel Bowers might have a few ideas about how to reform ...
“Well, I once read that James Taylor kicked a heroin habit by jumping rope to the point of absolute exhaustion to get his endorphins going ...”
How do you know a habit’s bad and not just a harmless indulgence?
“If you are spending colossal amounts of time on MySpace.com, it’s a harmless indulgence. If someone you know is spending colossal amounts of time on MySpace.com, he is a wanker with a bad habit.”
What makes us form bad habits in the first place?
“Our parents. Any psychotherapist will tell you that.”
Why do we ignore all medical and therapeutic warnings and continue our bad habits?
“Because we’ll quit someday when we’re ready. Our habits aren’t that bad. Lots of other people do the same. All right, we’re lemmings, dammit!” —J.B.C.
get board
Remember at last year’s Winter Olympics when America’s snow-board princess Lindsey Jacobellis went all Terrell Owens on her last jump in the snowboard-cross final and ate it—and lost the gold medal? Remember how you wanted to grind her face in the snow for being a showboat? Keep that in mind when you take to the slopes (OK, we’re in Missouri—the mounds) to snowboard for the first time this year. You’re going to spend most of your time on your tail, but you’re going to spend even more sitting in the snow if you try to get fancy. Either way, you need the right gear, so Larry Zeis of Soka (14363 Manchester, 636-240-2300, sokaskate.com), helped us sift through the drifts.
boots: “If your boots aren’t comfortable, nothing else is going to work,” Zeis says. He suggests DC brand.
board: Freestyle and free-ride models are available, but starters should stick to more versatile boards. Zeis’ pick? The Burton Custom.
bindings: New company Flow is making an easy-in binding that simplifies the process. If you want traditional strap-in bindings, Zeis recommends Burton Mission.
pants/jacket: Holden gets high marks for good fit from Zeis, but Special Blend is more affordable while still offering 10,000-millimeter waterproofing—which you’ll appreciate after a day spent on your butt.
gloves/goggles: “These really depend on the conditions you’ll be boarding in,” Zeis says. For St. Louis, he votes for Dakine gloves and Anon goggles.
And after that, if you’ve got any money left over, it might be a good idea to invest in one of those inflatable seat doughnuts. Trust us—you’ll need it. —M.H.
take a polar bear plunge
The first time I did it, I was scared—you’ve heard of hypothermia, right?—but it was in the 40s. I did it at Lake a couple years ago, and the lake was actually frozen. The wind was unbearable. When it’s time to take the plunge, I just go for it. I just run in. You’re in the shallow area, going into deeper water, and it hurts. It stings. I’ll start to feel a little stiffness, and then when I get to where I’m stumbling a little because I’m into the deeper water, I just dive in. It takes your breath away. It’s like a bunch of pins all over your body, like when your foot falls asleep. But then you come up, and it almost feels refreshing, because the air temperature actually feels warmer than the water. Your joints start to stiffen up, and when you look at the shore it’s kind of, like, ‘This is going to be a long walk back.” But then, as you start to go back, you throw your chest out and you’re, like, ‘Man, I did it. Everybody should do this.’” By Steve Farkas, as told to M.H.
Farkas will participate in a Polar Bear Plunge at LakeSaint Louis to benefit the Missouri Special Olympics on February 3. Call 636-625-8018 for details.
turn off the TV and tell stories
“Making up stories is like gently pulling a piece of yarn out of a ball of yarn—once you get started, it just keeps on flowing,” says Lynn Rubright, who teaches storytelling at Webster. Her tips:
• Play with language—repeating sounds, rhyming, adding made-up words and crazy noises.
• Make up sequels to stories the kids already love—or give their favorite characters new adventures.
• Become each character by changing your inflection.
• Use animals the kids adore.
• Vary your tempo—build to a fast pace, then slow it way down. Alternate between high and low pitches.
• If you dare, tell embarrassing moments from your own childhood. Kids love this. —J.B.C.
stop lip-synching “Happy Birthday”
We reached soprano Christine Brewer in Amsterdam, fresh from her first stage performance as Isolde, and asked her how she’d coach somebody who can’t carry a tune:
“I always think it’s best to pretend, whether you can do it or not,” she says encouragingly. “Take a deep breath and get in touch with your inner 10-year-old, the one who’s fearless. Plant your feet firmly, shoulder-width apart. Clear your throat, take a little sip of water, use all the clichés we professional singers use to keep the audience off balance. Then just sing out loud, give it a lot of gusto—and, if all else fails, use hand gestures, because they’re distracting. The ‘Happy Birthday’ song is so short that, by the time they figure out what you’re doing, you will have fooled them.” —J.B.C.
ponder infinity while skating figure eights
If you think you’ll skate some stress away, you’d be well-advised to avoid any rink during “stick time” (uh, hockey practice). Steinberg Rink in Forest Park, the largest outdoor rink in the Midwest, is open for just plain ol’ skating, all week long, November through March. Outdoor rinks are an endangered species, but there’s something about being out there with the birds and trees and stars. Steinberg’s roominess means that you can noodle around without fear of losing a front tooth to the cartwheeling arms of some poor guy bracing for a madcap spill, and, outside in the dark, people couldn’t care less whether you’re clad in microfleece, an orange dickey or a Bedazzled Capezio unitard. Steinberg turns 50 this year. It evokes the nostalgia of ’50s skating parties yet gleams from a $1.4 million facelift that included new pipes for making ice, landscaping improvements and a sweet sound system. Extra points for the snack bar that carries both giant cookies and beer! —S.R.
$6; kids $5, skate rental $2. Times: 10 a.m.–9 p.m. Sun–Thu, 10 a.m.–midnight Fri & Sat, Nov–March. Skating lessons begin January 16. Steinberg Rink, Forest Park (Kingshighway entrance), 314-361-0613, stlouis.missouri.org/citygov/parks/forestpark/ice.html.
and if the thought of skate-shod crowds scares you ...
Build your own rink. You can buy a prefab kit online, but it’ll set you back hundreds of dollars, and, honestly, the fun of this project is the DIY component. We couldn’t find any skating-rink installers in town, but we went to the next best thing: a pond installer. David Mallory of Xtrahand (314-374-4053, xtrahand.net) says you need to start with a sheet of 45-mil pond liner cut to the size you want, leaving enough extra to be stapled to the top of the wooden border you’re going to have to build. (Be sure to throw some padding under the liner to prevent punctures.) Once that’s in place, it’s time to wait for the cold, which may be a challenge in these parts. Oh yeah, and you’re going to need a level back yard. Good luck with all that. —M.H.
UniversitySt. Louis
update your game cupboard
Board games, like ice cream, are delicious, but no one wants to eat vanilla their whole life. Gordon Lugauer, owner of The Board Game Barrister (boardgamebarrister.com) instructs you on how to get your Rocky Road fix. You liked Trivial Pursuit? Try Wits & Wagers. Monopoly? Try The Settlers of Catan. Clue? Try Kill Doctor Lucky. Scrabble? Try Disorder. Pictionary? Try Squint. Risk? Try Axis & Allies. You liked Magic: The Gathering? Try ... to get out more. —K.P.
start a vlog (no, that’s not a typo)
Congratulations on your new blog! Your readers are probably loving your daily updates on being a new mom—all those little stories about spit-up and stinky diapers totally bring the LOLs. They’re also so 2006. It’s time to give your virtual As My World Turns updates the YouTube treatment by getting into video blogging. Bill Streeter, the proprietor of Lo-Fi St. Louis (lofistl.com) and St. Louis’ first name in vlogging, films and posts local music-related videos on his site, but he says there’s no genre of vlog that would be off limits, as long as you maintain the communal spirit of a traditional blog. He points to a Dallas-based vlogger (kitykity.com) who posts short home movies so that her extended family can keep up with her kids’ exploits: “There’s an audience for anything.” You don’t have to be a budding auteur, either. Not only do you not need a fancy video camera—Streeter notes that even some digital still cameras will capture video with sound—but there’s also plenty of help online: Check out freevlog.org for how-to’s on launching a site and uploading content. Whatever you do, though, keep the videos short (about three minutes, Sofia) until you get the hang of it. “That’s about the limit that most people are going to watch anything online unless it’s really compelling,” Streeter says. In other words, a couple of clips of toddler vomit could be funny, but a two-hour epic on baby bodily functions might be overkill. —M.H.
toboggan
It’s a snow day! The charm of whirling white flakes triggers a wave of nostalgia, and you think to yourself, “What better way to tap into the rosy-cheeked ebullience of youth than sledding?” You decide to share the experience with your children/significant other/frat buddies/imaginary friend and pile into the car, on your way to Home Depot/Sears/Toys “R” Us/REI/Wal-Mart to pick up a new sled. You stumble in and gaze in wonder at the myriad choices, trying to choose between the classic wooden toboggan/plastic slider/saucer and the more avant-garde inflatable tube/snow glider/ice scooter. Finally, opting for maximum speed with minimum risk, you buy the sturdy one with handles/a pull rope/rounded edges and skid on over to Art Hill/Reservoir Square/Blanchette Park/Suicide Hill and slide down, shrieking with glee and terror, praying that you don’t break an arm/lose an eye/bleed profusely/perish miserably. Have fun! —K.P.
have someone else cook your dinner
Kirk Warner wants to get into your kitchen. He wants to poke around in your fridge and give your KitchenAid mixer—the one you begged for and never used—a spin. One look at the scruffy beard and the checked pants, and you might mistake him for some out-of-work cooktop interloper, out to steal your bread and butter, but don’t worry—he actually wants to bring food, and he wants to cook it for you. As you may have heard, Warner gave up the executive-chef gig at Savor and is doing his personal-chef thing (636-448-8721, travelingkitchen.com) for families who want gourmet meals without leaving home. He’ll give you a detailed questionnaire (favorite cuisines and ingredients, food allergies, “foods you could eat every day”) and whip something up to suit your palate. You’ll never know he’s there if you’re not into kitchen commiseration, but if you’re in the mood for a little instruction, he’s more than happy to teach you a thing or two. “I prefer to have people there asking questions,” he says. “I want to interact with people.” You’ll pay for it (rates start at $190), but come on: Restaurant-quality food + Your kitchen – Effort = Happy you. —M.H.
By Jeannette Batz Cooperman, Matthew Halverson, Sarah Klein, Katie Pelech and Stefene Russell
