A two-pronged survival guide for the season of giving
By Matthew Halverson
Illustration by Ryan Greis
Ever wonder why issues of the brain and issues of the bank account converge so perfectly during the holidays? It’s because one has a direct effect on the other. We begged two local experts—a financial adviser and a psychoanalyst—for their takes on some of the season’s burning questions.
What’s the biggest danger we face this time of year?
Wayne Rector, financial adviser, Ferguson Financial Group: The sales. You wouldn’t have bought it before at full price, so why buy it just because it’s half-price? Moisy Shopper, M.D., psychoanalyst, Saint Louis Psychoanalytic Institute: Parents want to give their children better and more than they got when they were children—but then they want to make them feel appreciative, so they tell them they had it rough when they were younger, and that can be depressing.
How do I navigate the family minefield?
Rector: You have to set a dollar limit. Shopper: Be aware that this is a time for renewal of family issues—“I never liked the guy you married” and “She’s a slut who’s after your money”—and make an effort to control it.
Is it possible to give my kids too many gifts?
Rector: Your kids watch how much you’re spending, and they’re going to repeat it when the time comes for them to buy for their family. Shopper: Sometimes parents who feel guilty about the way they’ve brought up their kids or the way their kids are turning out try to make up for it with very tangible gifts.
What if I feel compelled to buy more for myself than for others?
Rector: If you’ve found something you really want, put it down, walk away and think about it as you walk around the rest of the mall. If you still want it, buy it. Shopper: There are certain layers of selfishness that aren’t considered undue selfishness: “I don’t like getting wet, so I will buy an umbrella”—but I don’t need five umbrellas, and I don’t need one from Gucci.
Salvation Army—how much is enough?
Rector: Give some once, and then every time you pass another one, if you gave enough initially, you should feel comfortable that you’ve already given enough on your behalf. Shopper: Everybody has to figure out the proper balance. If you give it all away, you’re stupid. If you keep it all, you’re a greedy bastard.
