Bonkers For Bargains

"We always hold hands. When I let go, she shops." —Henny Youngman

If the late Sadie Youngman was a shopper worth her Ferragamos, she bought bargains. As a woman with a heavy Brooklyn accent once hissed at me as I was forking over a small fortune for a new handbag, “Only idiots pay retail.” Harsh? Obviously. True? Well, yes. For those who are willing to wait (and that is certainly not all of us), prices will tick way down. The day will come when you stroll into Lord & Taylor armed with coupons and, within no time at all, complete transactions that make a mockery of the original price tag. At Neiman’s, it happens during the last days of Last Call. At Just Chic, it happens when the owners have marked the clothes down from 50 to 70 percent because they just can’t stand looking at those threads one more day. Then there’s the Annex Two $5–$50 clean-up sale. Or the day Merle Freed takes half of a half off every price tag.

People who have earned their bargain badges know when to shop (at the end of the season), where to shop (sometimes a trek is necessary) and what to buy (they’re on a first name basis with brands). They also know all the ins and outs of getting the best buy—and in electronics, that just might be from Best Buy. Just about everything can be had for less if you know where and when to go.

St. Louis Magazine is here to help. We shopped feverishly, with calculators and notepads, for items everyone wants and, in most cases, needs. From appliances to audio video, cars to clothes, flowers to 500-count sheets, we worked the stores and found the deals or, in some cases, the tricks to landing them.

 

The Big Ticket Items

Cars

The incentive war that got under way four years ago with no-interest financing and continued through last summer’s “employee pricing” promotions presented consumers with some of the best deals ever on new cars. With profits dwindling, the Big Three automakers may begin to scale back those massive discounts, but a variety of rebates could soften the sticker price gut check. Rebates are determined by national inventory overstock and are most common in the fall, when dealers are trying to make room for new models, so scout the car lots near you in late summer; if a particular model seems to be taking up more than its fair share of the blacktop, you might find an impressive deal later on. Mark Kabbaz of Lou Fusz Dodge says that these discounts may range from $500 to $5,000.

For the most up-to-date money-saving information, www.edmunds.com lists current rebates and factory-to-dealer incentives for every make and model you can imagine. Use the site’s info in tandem with the database of MSRP and invoice numbers at www.kbb.com to get an idea of the range of prices you may be able to negotiate.

And if you’re not adamant that your new car be, well, new, ask your dealer about demo models. Every dealership has a fleet of cars set aside for test drives and sales managers’ use, and the management is happy to sell them. The discount isn’t much—typically 12 to 15 cents per mile driven—but every penny counts, right?

—Matthew Halverson

Houses

Often, finding a bargain home means nixing instant curb appeal in favor of rehab potential and future neighborhood growth. Thanks to such downtown revitalization projects as Operation Weed & Seed, the North Side’s Fountain Park and Lewis Place neighborhoods, among others, are showing significant signs of regrowth, and they offer historic five- and six-bedroom houses for the price of a three-bedroom ranch in St. Charles. Two listings available at press time demonstrate how far your dollar can go in these up-and-coming areas north of Delmar: $129,000 will get you five bedrooms and two-and-a-half baths on Union, and a three-bedroom, three-bath home on Northland lists for $134,900. “You might have to put a little money into these homes,” says Becca Belz, a buyer’s agent with Coldwell Banker Premier, “but these places are waiting to happen.”

If you like older homes, HUD—Housing and Urban Development—properties are worth a look, too. Search the listings at www.bidselect.com and contact a participating real-estate agent to make a bid. Rehabbing will most likely be required, but when a six-bedroom, two-bath home in good structural shape on Greer can be had for $55,000, as was the case in mid-November, you’re still likely to come out ahead. If you insist on finding something outside the city, make regular visits to the same website to search for foreclosures. In November, the bidding for a five-bedroom, three-bath house in O’Fallon started at $550,000; similar nonforeclosed homes just two blocks away were going for as much as $600,000.

—M.H.

Electronics

If you’re shopping for big-screen TVs or laptops now, you’re about six weeks too late for the best deals—but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still find them on the cheap if you’re patient and flexible. Open-box items (recently returned stereos, DVD players, etc., that work like new but can’t be sold as such) pop up unexpectedly all the time. Big-box retailer Best Buy (eight locations in Missouri, one in the Metro East, www.bestbuy.com) knocks 10 percent off the list price, but others, such as Circuit City (seven locations in Missouri, two in Illinois, www.circuitcity.com) and Ultimate Electronics (301 Costco Way, St. Peters, 636-278-8223; 185 Gravois Bluffs Plaza Dr., Fenton, 636-349-5800; 14850 Manchester, Ballwin, 636-391-5800; www.ultimateelectronics.com) say that they’ll go as low as 40 or even 50 percent below list price, depending on whether the item has been discontinued. We found a Sony digital camera at Ultimate Electronics, regularly priced $449.99 and marked down to $331.95 (that’s 26 percent off). Keep in mind, though, that with open-box items, your selection is limited to what people return. Don’t go out with a particular model in mind and expect to find it.

Ultimate Electronics also scores with the best price-matching policy. All three big-box electronics retailers will refund 110 percent of the difference if you find a better deal somewhere else, but whereas Best Buy and Circuit City impose a 30-day limit, Ultimate Electronics extends it to 60 days.

—M.H.

Life’s Little Luxuries

Designer Clothes

If you’re looking for high-priced designers (Armani, Burberry, Escada, Donna Karan, Max Mara, Piazza Siempione, Rena Lange) at palatable prices, jump on I-270 and head to St. Louis Mills’ Off 5th Saks Fifth Avenue Outlet (5555 St. Louis Mills Blvd., 314-227-5200, www.saksincorporated.com). But plan on making frequent trips. Merchandise comes in at a regular clip, and if you don’t move fast and you’re not a size 4 or 14, you’ll miss out. The trip is worth the gas: TSE cashmere cardigans marked down from $470 to $149; a Rena Lange black-and-white wool jacket down from $2,395 to $717, a Donna Karan chiffon dress down from $2,565 to $499.90. Look for the dots on the tags—yellow and teal mean an additional 33 1/3 percent, orange 50 percent and purple and blue 70 percent. A pair of Real Clothes (Saks’ house brand) $118 pink cotton pants marked down to $39.99 were tagged with a purple dot, so the final price was $12.06.

Off Fifth isn’t the only place for dramatic deals. Once a season, a pair of lawyers from New York City board a plane and come to St. Louis—to shop. They call ahead, and the store, the Women's Closet Exchange (11557 Gravois, 314-842-8405, www.womensclosetexchange.net), is ready and waiting. “We take good care of them,” says owner Sue McCarthy. “Why wouldn’t we?”

And why wouldn’t they drop a couple hundred on airfare when they can save several thousand on clothes? Yes, that is correct: one numeral, three zeroes. Known as a resale shop, the Closet Exchange also retails plenty of new clothes, shoes and purses—in brands that are only normally found in this town at Neiman Marcus, Saks and the best boutiques. Names such as Armani, St. John, Escada, Prada, Gucci, Catherine Malandrino, Burberry, Marc Jacobs. And Chanel. “We’re lousy in Chanel,” McCarthy says. No kidding. There are Chanel suits, dresses, skirts, blouses, purses, shoes and more. A black leather Chanel skirt, normally $2,520, is priced at $325. A brand-new $1,400 St. John black sequined dress sells here for $299.

Clothes Tree (2538 S. Brentwood, 314-961-0128) sells the same brands as many of the boutiques and department stores, but at prices 30 to 60 percent lower. You can find great velvet jackets here for a mere $50. “We seek out the unusual and interesting,” says owner Phyllis Woolen Markus. “We try to do classic with more flair.” The store is also a great place for the fancy dress you don’t want to fork over a fortune to wear only a couple of times.

As for the discount chains—T.J. Maxx (five locations, www.tjmaxx.com), Marshalls (six locations, www.marshallsonline.com), Syms (8750 Manchester, 314-962-2323, www.syms.com)—the pickings of the top brands were slim when we worked the racks. The best brands are usually Anne Klein AK, DKNY and Willi Smith (at T.J. Maxx), and the styles are usually a bit off. That’s not to say that great buys can’t be had—but it’s more a matter of the luck of the day.

And then there was the moment we wandered into Sam's Club and found our hearts racing as we found handbags by Prada, Coach and Kate Spade for $200. Locked up, but ready for the super shopper with an eye for an expensive brand.

Shoes

DSW (Dierbergs Brentwood Point, 8502 Eager, 314-962-8181; 13920 Manchester, Ballwin, 636-256-7463; 290 Mid Rivers Center, St. Peters, 636-278-2214; www.dswshoe.com) and Famous Brand Shoes (six area locations, www.famousbrand.com) are great places to start. Both carry a wide range of brands, both are generally extremely well stocked and the variety is wide. Of the two, Famous Brands carries more Kate Spade, Coach, Cole Haan and Tod’s than does DSW, which has limited Coach, some Cole Haan, Via Spiga and plenty of Nine West and Vaneli. The discounts are comparable. If you prefer to be shod in Isaac Mizrahi, Michael Kors and Prada, drive out to Off 5th Saks Fifth Avenue Outlet. The savings don’t often go higher than 50 percent but are still worth the trip. Prada purple silk mules retail for $595 but sell here for $189.99; a pair of Coach slingback black heels normally sells for $170 but is $129 at Off 5th.

If you have a dainty foot and you want a slipper fit for a modern-day Cinderella, head back to Women's Closet Exchange, where Chanel boots that retail at $1,036 are sold for $249. Alas, the sizes are limited—generally to one per style. The Shoe Stop (12121 Manchester, 314-984-0909; 2539 S. Brentwood, 314-962-7320; 9082 Overland Plaza, 314-428-8184) has good deals on specialty shoes—for example, lovely beaded slippers for $19.99.

—C.M.

Linens

In simpler times, everybody ordered white linen sheets and ironed them monthly. Today you can get anything from 200 to 1,500 thread count in pima, Supima, Egyptian and blends, and what looks like a bargain may feel like a hair shirt. We went searching for Wamsutta 500-count queen-size sateen sheets and found everything from $59.99 per sheet at Linens 'N Things (five area locations, www.lnt.com) to $89.99 for the entire queen set at the outlet store (Osage Beach Premium Outlets, 573-348-1468, www.premiumoutlets.com; Tanger Factory Outlet in Branson, 417-337-9868, www.tangeroutlet.com). A comparable 500-count sateen set, different maker, was $49.99 at HomeGoods (four area locations, www.homegoods.com)—pima, not Supima, mind you. A 490-count designer sateen by Linea Casa was $129.99 at Tuesday Morning (five area locations, www.tuesdaymorning.com), 70 percent less than the retail price of $435. Overall, Tuesday Morning was our favorite source: no road trip required; plenty of selection; finer sheets available, deeply discounted; and everything clearly marked and sorted, not thrown haphazardly into a bin.

If you’re not counting threads, you’ll find bright, fun patterns by Isaac Mizrahi at Target—and a flannel sheet set for $19.99. Tuesday Morning had a “luxury weight” flannel set for just $4 more, marked all the way down from $116. A Laura Ashley flannel set was $29.99 at HomeGoods (retail price $50), and the same $29.99 at the Marshalls Megastore outlet (5555 St. Louis Mills Blvd., 314-227-5133). Marshalls goods arrive discounted as much as 60 percent off list price, then, in four to six weeks, get marked down 10 percent; the second markdown is almost 50 percent off that price. Still, the best we could do there for queen sheets was a 440-count set for $49.99, retailing at $80.

—Jeannette Cooperman

Fresh-Cut Flowers

The trick here is timing—not just whether the petals are fresh or wilted, transparent and moist (“snotty,” one florist terms it), but what season, day and time you buy them. Over the summer, roses were $6.99 a dozen at Jeanne's Flowers (Soulard Market, 314-231-0602). They went up to a whopping $8.99 in fall, nowhere near the $60 average at area florists. Yet Trader Joe's (48 Brentwood Promenade, 314-963-0253; 1679 Clarkson, 636-536-7846; www.traderjoes.com) undercut them with a $7.99 dozen. Also keep day and time in mind: Many florists discount fresh stems at the end of the day or on the weekend. Starting at noon Friday and continuing through Saturday, all fresh-cut stems are half off at Nettie's (3801 S. Grand, 314-771-9600, www.netties.com); the same offer holds both Saturday and Sunday at the Walter Knoll in Florists’ Row (2765 LaSalle, 314-664-5050, www.wkf.com). If you’ve pondered forgery to get a tax-exempt card or business tax ID and buy at the wholesalers on LaSalle, you may want to hesitate: Yes, you could get 25 roses for $25 and a $7.50 bunch of alstroemeria at Baisch and Skinner (2721 LaSalle, 314-664-1212), but you can get that alstroemeria for $5.99 at Trader Joe’s or $7 at Walter Knoll without breaking the law. A particular lily, orchid or exotic tropical flower may be cheaper when a florist has gotten a great deal, but that means research on your part. For overall great buys, Trader Joe’s and Soulard win the bouquet.

—J.C.

Wine

In 2004, Charles Shaw Shiraz, otherwise known as “Two-Buck Chuck,” (from Trader Joe's) triumphed over 2,300 other wines at the 28th Annual International Eastern Wine Competition. (Because price and quality don’t always dovetail in the world of wine, it’s hard to know when you’ve found a bargain.) At press time, The Wine and Cheese Place (7435 Forsyth, 314-727-8788) cited the 2002 Joseph Phelps Cabernet Bordeaux Blend ($119.99) as the best wine in the store, with a 96 rating from Robert “Wine Advocate” Parker himself; other bottles with similar ratings ran between $299.99 and $500, and this particular wine retails for about $200 online. Under $20, for red and white, the staff recommends the 2001 Clay Station Cabernet Sauvignon/Petite Syrah ($8.99) and the Salmon Harbor Chardonnay ($7.99). The Wine Merchant (20 S. Hanley, 314-863-6282, www.winemerchantltd.com) carries wine that tops out at $1,000 to $3,000 a bottle; the staff suggests the 2002 Egelhoff Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley ($99.99) as a great value for its price. Their big bargains were Oakhurst’s 2004 Merlot, Chardonnay and Shiraz ($4.99) which hold their own against their $15-to-$20 counterparts. The staff at Starr's (1135 Big Bend, 314-781-2345) recommends another wine from Joseph Phelps, the 2002 Insignia Napa Valley Red Wine ($99.99), which also received a 96 rating from Parker (and also runs about $200 online). For under $20, staffers suggest the 2004 Nautilus Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc ($17.99) and the 2002 Simi Cabernet Sauvignon Alexander Valley ($17.99). The bargain of bargains is the 2004 Finca Luzon Red Blend ($8.49), which received a Wine Spectator rating of 90. Similar wines start around $18 and go upwards of $50. Parker himself uses the B-word, raving, “This offering represents a superb bargain.”

—Stefene Russell

Life’s More Mundane Items

Appliances

For a quick price slash on any appliance, look for the EnergyStar sticker. Ameren gives rebates of as much as $400 on larger appliances (e.g., water heaters) and $50 for items such as dishwashers and dryers. Manufacturer rebates contributed to a nice price on Best Buy's LG 25.2-cubic-foot refrigerator in stainless steel with side-by-side doors; normally retailing at $1,699.99, it was just $1,200.99 after rebate (subtract that energy credit, and it’s $1,150.99). Comparable fridges ran $1,799.99 at Sears (www.sears.com), and although Lowe's (11 area locations, www.lowes.com) offered a better deal up front (Maytag 25.1-cubic-foot bottom-freezer refrigerator, $1,407), the best deal was the rebate. (Best Buy also matches lower prices on some appliances, then deducts another 10 percent). Sears offers stylish laundry appliances in designer colors (Kenmore Elite 3.8--cubic-foot washer, $1,499.99; 7-cubic-foot dryer, $999.99), but the winner for price was Lowe’s Maytag Neptune 3.3-cubic-foot front-loading washer ($899) and dryer ($699). (The Neptune is also EnergyStar compliant. Cha-ching!) On ranges, Lowe’s won again, offering a 30-inch Frigidaire built-in electric wall oven in chrome for $1,988; Best Buy’s was $2,099.99. Lowe’s also offered the best deal on stainless-steel tall-tub dishwashers with the Maytag 24-inch Jetclean II for $707, with other 24-inch chrome machines clocking in at $949 (Kitchenaid, Best Buy) and $999 (Kenmore Elite, Sears).

—S.R.

Trees & Bushes

Buying a tree isn’t easy, especially when you order a colossal maple and find yourself planting a twig. Treeland Horticultural Grower & Broker (615 Old State Road, Glencoe, 636-391-3909) has not only slightly lower prices than other local nurseries but much bigger trees as well—an October Glory maple ($180) is already 8- to 10-feet tall, and the $89 dogwoods stand 7 feet tall. (A little extra foliage research shows that at other nurseries, you can pay as much as $165 for a 6-foot dogwood.) Treeland also prunes your costs by offering free design services on the spot—bring in a photo, and the staff will work out the placement of the plants for you. There are planting specials, especially in fall (Treeland will deliver and plant that maple for $50; what with Missouri’s clay and rock, that’s outright altruism). In the third week of August, everything on the 8-acre nursery is 20 percent off.

Finding bargains on begonias, geraniums and petunias is easy: You either deal with the devil (chain discount stores) or wait for the angels (church sales and Christ Church Cathedral's April flower festival). For perennial plants and shrubs, your best bet is the Gateway Greening Plant Sale during their Great Perennial Divide, April 28 and 29 at St. Louis Community College’s Meramec campus. The plants are donated by area nurseries and wintered over, so the prices are low; the proceeds support 160 community gardens and neighborhood greening projects. You’ll find butterfly bushes, roses, viburnum, hydrangeas and more, all in several varieties, all hardy to this area. Call 314-577-9484 for details.

Hit The Road. Hit The Outlets.

Thank the heavens and bless the skies. Nary a state remains that doesn’t have an outlet mall lurking somewhere. But the quality of these discount destinations varies—greatly—so, with snobby taste and fancy brands in mind, we searched out the malls that offer the sort of clothes that the fiscally sane person would only buy on sale.

We have a winner. The 18-karat gold medal for retail outlets goes to ...

Woodbury Common Premium Outlets in Harriman, N.Y.—a mere 35 minutes north of Manhattan. Among its 220 stores, you will find (in alphabetical order): A|X Armani Exchange, Aeropostale, Anne Fontaine, Anne Klein, Barneys New York Outlet, BCBG Max Azria, Bebe Outlet, Bottega Veneta, Burberry, Carolina Herrera, Chanel, Calvin Klein, Coach, Cole Haan, Crate & Barrel Outlet, Dana Buchman, Diane von Furstenberg, Diesel, Dolce & Gabbana, Donna Karan/DKNY, Eileen Fisher, Elie Tahari, Ellen Tracy, Escada Company Store, Etro, Fendi, Frette, Furla, Giorgio Armani, Gucci, Hugo Boss, Judith Leiber, Kate Spade, L’Occitane, La Perla, Lucky Brand blue jeans, Michael Kors, Neiman Marcus Last Call, Oilily, Pratesi, Salvatore Ferragamo, Sigrid Olsen, Space (Prada/Miu Miu), St. John Company Store, Sharper Image Outlet, Sony, Tod’s, Tommy Bahama, TSE (cashmere), Versace, Williams-Sonoma Marketplace and Yves Saint Laurent Rive Gauche.

These hotsy-totsy stores are scattered throughout other malls; only at Woodbury are so many collected in one spot.

When you are working the outlet malls, keep in mind these hints: (1) Malls with the words “Premium Outlets” in their names are the best, and (2) before driving anywhere, visit www.outletbound.com to make sure that the trip will be worth your while.

Operating on the theory that everybody should be able to dress in cashmere and silk without living near Madison Avenue or paying full price, we list other outlets that you should seriously consider:

California
Camarillo Premium Outlets
Carlsbad Premium Outlets
Desert Hills Premium Outlets
Napa Premium Outlets

Connecticut
Clinton Crossing Premium Outlets (Clinton)

Florida
Orlando Premium Outlets

Georgia
North Georgia Premium Outlets (Dawsonville)

Illinois
Chicago Premium Outlets (Aurora)

Indiana
Lighthouse Place Premium Outlets (Michigan City)

Massachusetts
Wrentham Village Premium Outlets

Nevada
Las Vegas Premium Outlets (Primm)

New Jersey
Designer Outlet Gallery (Secaucus)

Texas
Allen Premium Outlets (Allen)

Virginia
Leesburg Corner Premium Outlets (Leesburg)

Washington
Seattle Premium Outlets (Tulalip)

—Christy Marshall

Wanna know the latest best deal without wading through all those circulars? Go to www.cairo.com and type in your ZIP code, then pick your category: appliances, automotive, computers, electronics, even pet products, toys and groceries. The website downloads all published sales at local retailers, no membership fee required.

The Art of the Haggle

Garage sales make me queasy. It’s not because I wonder whether that decoupaged pea-green salsa dish shaped like a chinchilla has ever been used as an ashtray (I accept that it has). No, it’s because I feel that I’m expected to offer $1.25 for it even though it’s marked $1.75.

“Oh, I hate that,” fumes Mary Ann Kinsella, a South County garage-sale survivor. “Once I had this beautiful little girl’s dress that was worn twice marked for a dollar. Someone had the nerve to ask if I’d take 50 cents for it. No! I’ll give it away instead.”

Therein lies the first rule of the haggle: If you’re haggling for the haggle of it, well, find another hobby, because most St. Louisans feel that it’s rude. That said, in many instances (and perhaps more often than you would think), negotiating is appropriate. The seller wants to sell the item at a fair price. You want to pay what it’s worth to you. Here are some tips in finding that middle ground.

$  Make a friend. Asking a few personal questions of the seller is not only the nice thing to do, it also can go a long way in getting that magnificent Bernhardt sofa for $100 less than he’s asking for it. Who wouldn’t cut a deal for a friend?

$  Know the going price. Whether it’s a Lexus or a used game of Candy Land, know the going price. If something is priced higher than you’ve seen it someplace else, share that information with the seller.

$  Look for defects. Go over every square centimeter of the item with all your senses, save taste (licking a coffee table is considered inappropriate). If there’s a mark or a tear, even mainstream retailers will often knock a few percentage points off an item.

$  Ask about upcoming sales. If you’re friendly with the salesperson and you love those Gianni Bini “Neal” boots but can’t part with the sum that’s on the tag, ask whether they’ll be going on sale anytime soon. You’d be surprised how often a salesperson will whisper to come back next week.

$  Show them the money. Be careful with this one: it works better at the open-air flea market than, say, at the BMW dealer, but you’d be surprised how much seeing the money helps. If something is priced at $15 and you offer $10 but they say no, bring out $12 in cash and say, “This is all I have.” Then—ta-da!—you’ve got that art-deco lamp and a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

Don't Even Go There

In the world of bargain hunting, certain questions, comments and phrases are verboten:

$  Do you really need that? (When did need become an issue? And, yes, even though there are dozens of black shoes/pants/skirts/dresses already in my closet, I do need this.)

$  Isn’t it a bit out of season? (Duh! Otherwise it might not be 90 percent off the original price.)

$  Was that the only color it came in? (Probably not—but it was the only color that was on sale at a ridiculously reduced price. You got a problem with puce?)

$  Are you sure they didn’t switch labels? (They wouldn’t dare.)

$  I think I saw that at the ScholarShop. (I think not.)

$  Did you know that they just marked that dress down again? (I guess I’ll go back with my receipt.)

$  I don’t need to know how much you saved. (Are you kidding? What’s the fun of a bargain if you can’t brag?)
 

Bling in the Spring: April Police Auction

“We don’t sell vehicles,” says Det. Michael Hutcherson of the St. Louis County Police Department’s Property Control Unit. “The St. Louis County [Department of Highways & Traffic] Fleet Management handles that. We don’t sell clothes—you don’t know where they’ve been, and we aren’t able to have them all dry-cleaned. We don’t sell weapons—we destroy those. We don’t sell computers unless they’re brand-new—it’s just too hard to wipe the information off of the hard drive.”

So what do they sell? “Computer monitors,” Hutcherson says briskly. “Car stereos, tools, VCRs, cameras and jewelry—people who know their jewelry often get a very good deal.” Once, Hutcherson and department director Det. Doug Fite decided to “do an experiment” and have a few pieces appraised. The prices were hundreds of dollars less than you’d pay anywhere else.

Professional auctioneers attend to the bidding, and all funds are deposited straight to the County’s general revenue coffers. But the police aren’t in it for the money; they’re just trying to liquidate stolen or seized property from their evidence rooms.

There’s a regular who buys several bikes at each auction, fixes them and gives them away to kids. You’ll see CDs, giant woofers, car stereos and other easy pickings for a thief armed with a slim jim. Hutcherson says there’s also “stuff so specialized we don’t know what it is. We once had a large skimming tool for people who finish concrete. In the next auction, we’ll have a trolling motor—it’s for a fishing boat”

The auctions are usually held twice a year, but October’s auction was canceled because of construction at the Greensfelder Recreation Complex (Queeny Park, 550 Weidman), where the auctions are held—so there will be two seasons’ worth of stuff for April.

Take note, though, that these auctions are not all bling and roses: Though all jewelry is dropped into Zip-Loc baggies, with no clue to its worth (a huge advantage to those with a good eye), the Property Control Unit’s hands-off, pragmatic approach often means more work for buyers. Electronics have not been tested, and the unit does not offer warranties or refunds.

“Sometimes you can get the same thing for less, brand-new,” says Hutcherson, “but people get carried away in the heat of the auction and end up paying a lot more. What’s that show where you have to guess the prices? The Price Is Right? Yeah, that show. You might want to watch that before you come down.”