We admit it: We’ve been focusing a lot of attention on the bride’s side of things—and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. But just so the guys don’t feel left out, we dropped in on a few St. Louis grooms and asked their advice for all those readers who quickly flipped past the preceding fashion spread.
As told to Elizabeth Lewis and Stephen Schenkenberg
Ask for Help
“Hire a friend of a friend of a friend who is willing to be your personal ‘assistant’ for the day. That way, when you are barking orders at someone, they are for hire and not a family member.”
—Ben Cortright, 33, sales, married August 2004
Smaller Can Be Good
“We decided we did not want to have a huge wedding. We invited 130 guests and had the wedding in my parents’ back yard. With the help of friends and family, we turned the yard into a magical setting. We planted flowers and tropical plants in the spring so that by the day of the wedding, the gardens were in full bloom. Japanese lanterns and candles lit up the pool and the garden. Having a small wedding meant I was able to see everyone in a timely manner and was able to enjoy myself. Many of my friends who have gotten married tell me that they were not able to enjoy themselves.”
—Jason Lehtman, 29, building materials sales and marketing, married September 2006
Work As A Team
“My wife is not a doer—she’s a planner. So when it came time to make visits to florists, bakers, photographers and DJs (we didn’t have the dough for a live band), she told me who to call, and I went ahead and arranged it. Frankly, it was a hassle, but worth it, too. I made sure that since I was the one who had made the original call, I was the one who fixed any problems that came up. There were no surprises, and that’s important.”
—Brian Lewis, 27, higher education development, married October 2007
Choose Wisely
“Pick your best man and groomsmen very carefully. I was lucky enough to have my brother as my best man and some of my best and most trustworthy friends as groomsmen. They were all smart enough and knew myself and my wife well enough that if an issue came up, they knew how we would want it handled without having to consult us. This made our wedding a seemingly seamless, mistake-free extravaganza.”
—Eli Casey, 24, paramedic, married January 2006
Don’t Be A Stranger
“Buy at least one piece of clothing that you will wear at the ceremony. For example, I rented everything but the shoes. The shoes that I bought (not your typical shiny shoes that you rent with a tuxedo) I can now wear at yearly anniversary dinners.”
—Radomir Ratkovic, 33, technical services, married June 2004
Chill
“The day of the wedding, make sure everything is already planned, and go with the flow. If something gets screwed up, roll with it—nobody cares. It is her day, so mind your p’s and q’s. But your groomsmen are there to have fun, so let them do what they want—including booze in the parking lot.”
—Brad Brueckner, 24, project engineer, married July 2007
Get Over Yourself
“Short of sacrificing your moral or ethical standards, be adaptable to your soon-to-be in-laws. You are the outsider in their family, which has been functioning, for better or worse, this way for at least 20 years. It’s not fair or reasonable to expect them to modify behavior for you beyond being polite. Presumably, you will have the next 40 or so years to influence them and try to make frustrating or uncomfortable situations more palatable. Things will be so much more pleasant if you just go with the flow from the outset. Plus, you are likely to win credibility and goodwill that you can use down the road.”
—Brady Ward, 33, financial analyst, married May 2000
Choose Wisely, Part 2:
“The best advice I have about staying happy during the planning is to be mindful of the battles you pick. If something came up that was obviously important to my wife-to-be but wasn’t a deal-breaker for me, I let her make the decision. If it’s something I was really passionate about that she wasn’t, then I expected the same from her. If we both had an opinion, then we compromised as best we could. Being reasonable and level-headed when discussing wedding plans should be priority one.”
—Bill Israel, 24, software developer, married June 2006
Think About Leaving—Then Returning
“Our best decision? We ran away. Both of us knew we didn’t want the same headaches that everyone else has when planning a traditional wedding. So we did some research and figured out what it took to get married on an island in Greece, which is a whole new set of headaches. Not everyone was happy about it, but we certainly were. A lot of weddings are just a chaotic blur and seem like work. We got to enjoy every single moment of our day. And a month after we got back, we threw a big party at the World’s Fair Pavilion in Forest Park.”
—Bill Keaggy, 36, online consulting and design, married May 2000
Best Calls
“Offering a glass of champagne to guests when they arrived at the ceremony. It helped everyone feel festive yet relaxed.”
“Dancing lessons. Important. Get.”
“Going over the top on planning the honeymoon.”
Worst Calls
“Not getting a slice of my own wedding cake. All I managed to eat was what my wife shoved into my gaping maw during the cake-cutting.”
“Not having a band. The DJ was great, but there is nothing like live music.”
“Not having slices of Racanelli’s pizza for guests on their way out of the reception.”
“Not monitoring who gives toasts. It’s amazing how excited people get when they see a live microphone. Most of them aren’t as funny as they think they are.”
Don’t …
Overdo your tux. “It’s best to stick to classic styles. It might be the groom’s day as much as the bride’s, but the bride will always be the star of the show, so don’t try to compete by picking a loud tuxedo.”
Get too weird on music. “People may not remember that you played Pachelbel’s ‘Canon in D,’ but they’ll always remember that an acoustic guitar didn’t seem in keeping with the tone of the ceremony.”
Forget the following: “A happy daughter means happy in-laws.”
