Photograph by Matthew O'Shea

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It would be easy to make a joke here about every St. Louisan’s favorite question, but we’re not going to do that—this isn’t really a joking matter. High schools—heck, schools in general—are a pretty hot topic around here these days, and where to send your kids is an even hotter one. Do you go private, public or parochial? If you’re going public, do you move to get the school you want? If you’re going private, which one is worth all that money? It’s a multilayered question, but it’s an important one. Read on for a little insight into the decision, starting—but not ending—with a report card of stats.

The Matching Game

How do you know what school’s best for your child? Start with brutal honesty.

By Jeannette Cooperman

What worries Peggy Umansky most are the legacies, kids who simply must go to John Burroughs because Daddy and Grandpapa did—or even kids destined for a particular Catholic or public high school because all of their brothers and sisters went there. An educational consultant who runs a company called It’s About Time, Umansky sees the casualties:

• Students who still need a little extra nurturing, forced into an uncaring crowd where they are expected to advocate for themselves with the eloquence of a trial attorney.

• Students whose maturity hasn’t quite caught up with chronology, forced into an environment where they are expected to think and act on their own initiative and ignored or reprimanded if they do not.

• Students who procrastinate past deadline or study haphazardly, forced into a college-prep atmosphere in which they rack up one low grade after another.

It’s not their fault, Umansky says.

“All parents think their child is the most brilliant child in the world. I had a parent who sent his kid to Burroughs, and the student didn’t have the self-discipline. Certain schools expect a student to be an independent learner, and if you know your child isn’t—even though he has a high IQ—you are setting him up for failure.”

Once you choose the category (public, academic private or religious private), list priorities for your child, Umansky suggests—and make sure they’re not your priorities, left over from your own adolescent yearnings or current hunger for status: “St. Louis tends to have a lot of people who are legacy—but one size doesn’t fit all. Burroughs expects kids to be ready to learn, not babied. A school like Whitfield looks at the individual differences and will work with students until they learn the necessary skills.

“Schools will tell you exactly what they expect,” adds Umansky, “but not every parent listens, and therein lies the problem.” To make the right choice, she tells parents to be scrupulously honest about their child and thorough in their search. Her advice:


1. Look at the history. Where has the child excelled, and where has the child needed extra help? Look at old report-card comments. If you’re consistently seeing “Excellent independent learner; doesn’t need much help,” that’s a clue.

2. Social strengths come out in those comments, too. “Works well in a group” or “Has trouble working with other students” can also tell you a lot.

3. If you’re not sure about your child’s strengths and weaknesses, ask for an evaluation. A school counselor can help. And if your child’s consistently falling short, have him or her tested. Match IQ against achievement. Is there a problem? Very often there is not. Kids mature at different rates.

4. How much nurturing does your child need? If he or she tends to play with younger kids or stay with the family, stay in a comfort zone instead of venturing out, do you take away that comfort zone? Depends on the emotional stability of the child. You don’t want to do something that will make a child depressed. If an emotionally vulnerable child is put in an uncomfortable situation, now all of a sudden you have an anxiety disorder that can spiral.

5. Have your child spend a day at each school you’re considering—and talk to one of the students. Kids aren’t in it for the PR; they’re not going to lie.

6. How do kids get into the clubs—is everything competitive? Because if your child is not a competitive child, that’s not a good fit.

7. What does the school do to foster the younger kids? Is there a buddy system?

8. Where is the safe haven if your child has a problem? Do kids know who to go to?

9. Is there a sense of community? If kids don’t feel they belong, they’re less apt to seek out help.

10. Trust your child. I tell students to sit down and write a paragraph about the perfect high school for them. It’s amazing how much they know about themselves. Often parents say, “Gee, I had no idea.”