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Friday, July 22, 2011 / 3:05 PM

Tour D’Onut Itinerary: Bike, Donut, Bike, Donut, Bike, Donut, Bike, Donut, Bike, Donut, Drink Beer, Maybe Pass Out

Is it wrong to bicycle to five donut shops, eating a donut at each? What if you rode on a tandem bike, and shared a donut at each stop? Then you would only be eating a reasonable two-and-a-half donuts, not five. That’s okay, isn’t it? Will that appease you, Guilty Conscience? Is that okay?? What do you want from me, anyway?? I’m only human, dammit!!!

Excuse me.

The inaugural Tour D’Onut may prove to be something of a challenge to the mind and body. Riders must withstand both the guilt and the changes to the blood chemistry that come from a multi-stage infusion of fat and sugar -- and then there’s our little heat wave. Taking into account the dreaded heat index, it should top 100 degrees by the time the Tour hits its final stop. You might wanna avoid having milk with those donuts, for obvious reasons...

Here’s how it works. Tomorrow, a pack of at least 60 bicyclists (who have been encouraged to wear donut costumes) will converge on the awesome time-warp that is John Donut on South Broadway at 8 a.m. (Be sure to shake hands with the skeleton.) After greeting the morn with your chosen maple bar, cruller, fritter, etc., you and your new buds will mount up and hit one of Alton Brown’s favorite local breakfast spots, the St. Louis Hills Donut Shop on Hampton Avenue. Then, it’s on to the shop with the huge sign, Donut Drive-In on Chippewa Street, just east of Ted Drewes. You ain’t done, son. The next stop is O'Fashion Donuts on Southwest Avenue. If you haven’t turned tail and pedaled back to your air-conditioned home yet, you must be headed to the final donut shop, the venerable and venerated World's Fair Donuts on Vandeventer Avenue.

If you made it this far, you deserve a reward, and you’ll get one. A reception in a grassy lot next to 4209 Blaine Avenue, a stone’s throw from World’s Fair, features Wiffle Ball, water, Schlafly beer, water, prizes, water, and “live donut-themed music.” And water. (You should have some water.)

Tour D’Onut is about supporting small businesses (all donut shops on the Tour are independent and locally owned), and promoting bicycling as an alternative to burning fossil fuels. It’s organized by five friends, Emily Olsen, Jenny Murphy, Hitomi Inoue, Will Fischer, and Katie Cushwa.

It’s not to be confused with the big, annual Tour de Donut, a bike race in Staunton, Ill., for which riders’ times are reduced a few minutes for each donut consumed at rest stops.

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